Monday, June 04, 2012

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 19

The Time Mookie Used to Wear Drakkar Noir

Back in high school, I used to wear Drakkar Noir.  I shouldn't have to tell you, but that stuff was the bomb.  The ladies loved the Drakkar Noir.  I had a routine with it too.  I'd get up in the morning and get ready as usual.  Then as I was ready to leave I'd put my letter jacket on, and THEN go for the "D.N."  Put a dribble into my hand, rub my hands together and then smear that shit down both sides of my neck.

Good. To. Go with the Drakkar Fkn Noir.

It was enough that you could smell it, but not so much I didn't pollute the room and you could smell me 3 hours after I left.

The coat collar absorbed any residual amount on my skin, which was beneficial because if I ever forgot the morning application any particular day - the residual "D.N." in my coat more than made up for it. The ladies loved my coat for that reason.

Girl - "Can I wear your coat?"
Me - "No."
Girl - "But it smells good!"
Me - "You're Goddamn right. Its Drakkar Noir.
Girl - "Please?"
Me - "Bitch. No."

I had a letter jacket because I had "lettered" my junior year in Varsity football. Was I good? Oh hell no. I think the whole team got a letter because we all sucked so well together as a team. We were very proficient at sucking. Anyway, it was a black jacket with my initials on one shoulder/sleeve, my grad year on the other, and a big yellow letter "V" on my left chest, with a football pin and bar. The "V" could have just as well meant "virgin" because that would have made more sense.

Back to the D.N.
You may be asking yourself: "How do you properly say Drakkar Noir?" The answer is pretty simple. You put the accent on the 2nd syllable of that shit (Dra-CAR). We used to embellish the hell out of that pronunciation too, and add a tongue roll and a lusty voice.

Other fun facts (according to the always-knowledgeable people at Wikipedia):

* In 1991 it was the bestselling men's "prestige" ($20+) scent worldwide. $20 is some serious coin yo.
* The New York Times says the name derives from "a flat-bottomed Viking ship." I bet that boat was awesome.
* Another source says that the name relates to Dracula, and the fragrance's image "obviously appeals to the dark, macabre, sinister side of masculine sexual fantasies" Oooh yeah.

So where was I? Oh yes. High school. I quit wearing it after high school. "Why" you ask? Was I too cool? Quite the contrary. I had one bottle that lasted me FOREVER. When it ran out I never bought anymore. I don't remember if I got it for Christmas or if some girlfriend gave it to me, or what. But the time was up on that smell anyway.

Enough time has passed though, and I think we need to bring it back. Everyone needs to get back into the Drakkar Noir. Everyone! Run to your local Dollar General, gas station, or Walmart. Get your Drakkar today!

I know my wife will LOVE this idea. I already can picture her closing her eyes and shaking her head in a disapproving manner.

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