Thursday, November 27, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving From Everyone At Breathtaking And Inappropriate

On this day of thanks,  the staff here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate would like to say Happy Thanksgiving to you and your loved ones. May your day be a good one full of turkey, alcohol, and togetherness.
I would like to take the time to let you know about some of the things I am thankful for this year. (In no particular order)
I am thankful:
For my beautiful wife and children.  They make my life complete and I don't know what I would do without them. My kids teach me something everyday and their imaginations make me smile. My wife is my best friend and an amazing partner in everything.  She also has a dynamite rack, and if it wasnt for those darn kids..... I could probably see more of it....
For the internet, which helps me pass the time when I could be doing something way more productive.  Reddit, Imgur, Words With Friends, Texas Hold 'Em, and Deadspin...if it weren't for you I'd have to go running, do the dishes, or vacuum. Plus I'd have to visit Facebook more than I care to...which would make me lose any self-respect I have left.
For my Mom and Dad, my sisters, and their spouses and children.  When we all get together it's often loud chaos, but enjoyable nevertheless. The fact my parents are still supportive of me and my family after all these years is both wonderful and humbling.
For music. Van Halen, Kiss, Cinderella,  Firehouse, Halestorm, and all of the delicious rock music out there...thank you for what you do for me each and every day.
For my brother-in-law and his wife. They recently moved out west and are missed greatly by the members of my household. We look forward to the time we can get together again in the future. Plus we have some woodwork we need to put up, so if you could bring your chop saw-that would be great.
For my family's health.  Everyone is alive and kicking, and hopefully stays that way without too much issue going forward. However, if the people at Big Pharmaceutical could hurry up with that fat burning pill...that would be AWESOME.
For my friends. The handful of friends I have are loyal make me laugh. You cant ask for much more than that. Plus they never ratted me out that one night when "The Mayonnaise Incident" happpened, so I know they are legit.
For my wife and I being gainfully employed with decent jobs. Because of these jobs, we get paid. When we get paid, our family can eat and pay some bills.  Some.  We aren't going to Aruba any time soon, but that's ok too.
For slippers. They keep my feet warm, and I hate it when my feet get cold.
For the Breathtaking and Inappropriate website and my readers. Even though there are probably 4 of you, I enjoy sharing the juvenile stuff that makes me laugh.  Thank you for letting me act like I'm 14.
Have a good one.

Double-Entendre Advertising

This Mini-Golf Course Reminds Me Of Something

Talk about getting a hole-in-one.

One Of The Best Scenes From The Movie "Dirty Work"

If you have never seen this movie, you should check it out. It is severely under-rated.

Not Every Act Is Necessarily Stupid

How You Look Wearing Beats By Dr. Dre

Happy Thanksgiving

Here's to hoping Peppermint Pattie doesn't invite herself and everyone else over to your house, so your dog can make a wondrous helping of toast, popcorn, jelly beans and pretzels.

Monday, November 17, 2014

You Ever Been So Mad That You Threw A Table?

And then caught a chair someone threw back at you?

I Found Out Where Your Girlfriend Works

How Everyone In The Midwest Felt Today

Underage Pregnancy Starter Kit

No One Should Ever Misidentify Han Solo

Deep Thoughts

Nice Job Doreen

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 135

The Time Mookie Became A College Mascot - Part I

One of the things I always wanted to do since I was in college was to wear a mascot uniform.  It didn’t have to necessarily be a college mascot, but I always figured that would be WAY more fun than walking around in a teddy bear outfit scaring kids at the local hospital.  I don’t know where this desire came from, but my best guess is that the introvert inside of me wanted to be a major extrovert without the consequences of people knowing who I am.  All of the mascots on TV are always screwing around with the fans and getting to be an utter jackass while the person inside remains totally anonymous.  This appeals to me because being a jackass is fun.  My friend “Rick*” and I used to just die laughing at the panther mascot at our college, and how he would run around the football field with an unbridled enthusiasm that bordered on special-needs.  I always joked to Rick how fun it would be to be “that guy,” and if given the opportunity to be the mascot - I would have done it in a second.  Alas the opportunity never came during my college days and my desire went unfulfilled . 

Even though I never pursued any further opportunities to become a mascot in the years that followed college, that idea and dream remained somewhere in the back of my brain and awaited the day it might be re-awakened.  That day came in September 2010 when I saw the video that is displayed here.

This video shows an incident at an Ohio State University football game where OSU were preparing to play their intra-state rivals from Ohio University.  As you will see in the video, the OU mascot (Rufus Bobcat) methodically stalked and targeted the OSU’s mascot (Brutus the Buckeye) as the OSU football team and cheerleaders took the field. When his attempt to tackle Brutus at mid-field mildly failed, an undeterred Rufus resumed his pursuit and attacked Brutus again in the end zone.  This time Rufus succeeded in not only tackling Brutus, but he also got in some quality head and nut shots at Brutus’ expense.  Needless to say, this video made me laugh SO hard I cried.  To this day it still makes me laugh and immediately brightens my day whenever I see it.  The best part about the whole story was that the guy who was in the Bobcat outfit had been planning this “attack” for over a year.  He tried out for the mascot job with the sole purpose and opportunity of tackling Brutus the Buckeye in front of 105,000 fans.  As you can see, he succeeded with flying colors.  The end result was that he was banned from ever having any association with the Ohio athletics department again and Ohio University had to apologize to everyone.  If you ask me though, it was totally worth it and I will forever be a fan of that guy.  Not only was this one of the funniest things I had ever seen, it made me want to be a mascot again.

Fast-forward approximately four years.

Through a variety of awesome circumstances, this past spring I was presented with an opportunity to wear an actual college mascot outfit.  My bad ass wife received an email from the college she had attended asking if anyone on that email distro was available to wear the official college mascot costume at a local elementary school function. YES!  Plus this wasn’t just any elementary school, it coincidentally was the school that both of my kids go to.   As she knows about my weirdo mascot aspirations, she called me and asked if I was interested and if she should look into it.  HELL YES.  So she called the college and inquired as to what needed to be done and where it would all go down.  As we were both afraid the mascot costume-keepers would not let her do it if they knew she wasn’t going to be wearing it, she conveniently neglected to tell them that her husband would probably be wearing the get-up. Amazingly, the college people gave her the green-light and they told her “she” could do it.  As you can imagine, I was pretty giddy when she told me this. 

The day of the event, we rolled up to the college and my wife went into the building where they kept the mascot outfit.  As I sat there waiting, I sent a text message to my friend Rick that said: “In about 10 minutes, there is going to be a college mascot costume in the trunk of my car.”  He texted back: “Oh my God. It’s happening.”

When my wife came out of the building ten minutes later, she was carrying a big red bag over her shoulder approximately the size of Andre The Giant.  This thing was E. Nor. Mous.  All I could think was “Oh sweet baby Jesus, what the hell is in that bag?”  We quickly found that it didn’t easily fit into the car, but because most of the bag was foam we eventually squeezed it into the trunk.  Both of us were laughing the entire way to the elementary school at the fact we had a big ass mascot outfit in the trunk.  This..... was really happening.

Check back in a future episode for Part II!

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent

Miss previous episode?  Click HERE to catch up!