Monday, January 26, 2015

I Guess We'll Turn Here


Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 140

The Time Mookie Discussed The Song “All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You”

Do you know/remember the song by the group Heart called “All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You?”  Of course you do, because if you were alive in 1990 you couldn’t go anywhere without hearing this song.  The Robert John “Mutt” Lange penned tune shot up the charts in almost every country in the world, and peaked at #2 in the United States.  It gave Heart their last top-ten song to date and introduced many to their catalog who may not have been aware of their 70’s and 80’s hits.  Heart f’n rocks, and make no mistake about it: The song rocks.

However, for whatever reason I apparently never thought too much about the lyrics of the song.  I always knew it to be a song where the singer picked up some stray guy, banged the hell out of him in a hotel and left the next morning, found out later she got knocked up, and then she runs into him later after the kid is born.  It’s a story that happens all the time on the Lifetime network and in every trailer park in America.  THEN.

While researching one of my new favorite bands (HALESTORM), I saw that they had recorded a cover of the song titled “All I Wanna To Do Is Make Love To You” and I immediately had to download it because I knew it would rock.  Needless to say: It totally does.  BUT.  For some reason I actually listened to the lyrics of the song, and do you know what I figured out?  She cheated on the man she loves and totally sperm-jacked that guy!!!  Why? Because her true love can’t give her a kid.  I know I’m incredibly slow to the game here, but WOW.  She sperm-jacked the guy.

At first I was totally shocked by this revelation but yet I didn’t fully know why.  It’s not like the content of the song is any less “R” rated than most stuff on the radio.  Plus I have more songs than I care to mention in my vast music collection that speak in graphic detail about anything and everything (thank you 2 Live Crew), and I have never been shocked by this stuff.  After I thought about it over a lunch-time Hot Pocket,  I think I was just shocked at my own ignorance to what the content of the song was after all of these years.  Seriously, I can tell you what most songs are about after listening to them a few times, but getting sperm-jacked was not on my radar.  Holy cow.  The imagery of the lyric “I am the flower, you are the seed.  We walked in the garden and planted a tree.” was definitely lost on me.  Then again I was never good at all that imagery stuff in English Lit class.

According to my friends at Wikipedia, I guess the song even created a bit of controversy at the time due to the fear that the lyrics could put women in danger by romanticizing the idea of picking up hitch-hikers.  I can understand that I guess, but I am surprised there wasn't an equal outcry over a concern about dudes getting sperm-jacked by stray women wanting to have a kid.

Odds are good the dudes were just happy to be getting laid though, which makes sense.  Sex rules and guys are animals.

Miss a previous episode?  Click HERE to catch up!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Tom Brady Knows A Thing Or Two About Balls

Happy Birthday Tiffani Thiessen

Today (Jan 23rd) is Tiff's 41st birthday, and the staff here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate would like to take a moment to wish her a good one.

I should also add a "congratulations"as well as she and her husband are expecting their second child. Nice job getting it on you two.

And now to celebrate the day:  A gratuitous Tiffani pictorial.
You're welcome.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Drunk Uncle Knows What State He's In

Leave him alone.  Lin duhhhhh!

That Should Hold 'Em

Attention Walmart Shoppers! Your Mom Has Been Marked Down!

No Seriously. Try Me.

I might be wrong, but I think I am about to get my ass kicked by a doll.

Sunny In Philly is BACK!

The Gang is back for their TENTH season, and it looks like Sweet Dee has not lost her way with people.

What Do I Care? Apparently I'm Dead!

Jesus Drove A Honda

Dollar Store Pregnancy Test

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Because of Bacon

Fun With Stock Photos

This one hits the nail on the head.

Confession Bear

This one escalated quickly

How I Feel And Look After Exercise

I have been trying to get into a regular routine of hitting the treadmill everyday, and so far I have been doing a fairly decent job at it.    How I feel and look afterwards are two different stories though.

How I feel after a session on the treadmill:

Alright Alright Alright!

Then I get in the locker room and look at myself in the mirror.
This is how I look:

Hopefully I'll get closer to the former and resemble less of the latter in the coming months....
Stay tuned.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Ron Swanson Hates Jean Ralphio

Parks and Recreation is BACK tonight to start its final season.  As you can see, Ron is not thrilled with Jean Ralphio singing into his ear.  His expression says more than words ever could.

Monday, January 12, 2015

The Feminist Picnic

How Fresh Is That Yogurt?

Show This To Your Kids When Talking About Meth

Journey Is Going To Be Pissed

You Can Never Be Too Careful

Joey on Friends Has A Different Motto Than Monica

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 139

The Time Mookie Ranted About People Who Don't Make Coffee At Work

The office I work in is gracious enough to provide free coffee to its employees.  Normally I am not a coffee fanatic, but FREE coffee is cheaper than Diet Pepsi and it gets me going on those mornings I would rather be anywhere else but work.  Which is you know -  EVERY FRICKIN' DAY.

I consider myself to be a very gracious and courteous coffee maker when the situation calls for it.  The mug I use is bigger than most, so I am always willing to step up and make sure the people coming into the break room right after me are able to get their cup o' joe when they need it.  In the break room I use (there are four on my floor) there are three pots: one is for decaf and the other two are for regular.  If I can combine the two regular pots into one and fire up a new one - I will do it every time without complaint.  Without fail though, at least three days of the week I will find not one - but BOTH of the regular coffee pots empty.  I mean who does this shit?  It's not hard to make coffee, especially with the machines we have.  The machine is hooked to a water line so you don't have to add water to anything, and the coffee is in a pre-measured filter bag so all you have to do is dump the old one out of the machine and throw the new one in. Zip zap, push the BREW button and Bob's your uncle.  Coffee is on the way!  It literally takes less than 10 seconds.
If you do this, I hate you.

Apparently I am not the only person who feels this way, as I have encountered more than one individual dropping a serious f-bomb or two when they found out the pots were empty.  I saw one guy walk into the break room in front of me for coffee and proceed to find that both of the regular pots were empty. To no one in particular he says out loud: "Why the FUCK couldn't someone make some more coffee? It's not like they probably didn't know it was the end of the pot!"  All I could do was nod my head in agreement and say "I hear ya brother."  The only thing to do at that point was to decide whether or not I should wait the three minutes for the fresh pot next to a possibly insane person, or to walk across the front lobby to the break room on the other side of the building.  In this case I opt for the walk because A). It's a nice walk and I can give the security guards out front a hard time. and B). They always have coffee over there for some reason.  They must have gotten the memo on how to make coffee or something.  Either way I'm not going to have to make small talk with the guy obviously needing coffee more than I do, or risk possible bodily injury due to his lack of caffeine.  Odds are also good that I can get my coffee across the lobby and be back at my desk even before the other pot has finished brewing.  So it's a win-win there.

So if you work in an office that provides free coffee, please make sure you are a courteous coffee maker for your fellow co-workers.  You might just upset the wrong employee who really needs that cup of coffee RIGHT NOW.  Trust me, that is probably not somebody you want to run into at 8:30 on a Monday morning.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent

Miss a previous episode?  Click HERE to check out the updated catalog!