Monday, March 05, 2012

Monday Morning Stories with Mookie - Episode 6

Since it is now March, that can only mean one thing:  Spring Break Vacation.  To celebrate Spring Break, all of the "Monday Morning Stories with Mookie" episodes in March will be about something that happened in my favorite vacation destination:  LAS VEGAS.  Enjoy.

The Time Mookie Tried to Get "Comped" Show Tickets In Vegas

Rick(*) and I were in Las Vegas one time, and we were ROCKING the town.  We were easily the most entertaining people at every blackjack table we played at.  While we were playing at the Sahara, even the dealers and pit bosses loved us.  If we needed beer, the dealers and pit bosses would yell for the waitress to come around and set us up.  Plus they knew we tipped so that helped keep the rounds coming.  Our table was awesome.  When the table would win, we'd cheer like we won a thousand bucks.  The highlight at the table was a lady who called herself "Tan Tan."

Tan Tan was by far one of the most entertaining people Rick and I had ever played cards with.  She talked utter nonsense and had these little "sayings' she would use during the game.  These sayings of course became catchphrases Rick and I would use the rest of the trip.  If she got a crappy hand, she'd call the dealer by name and say: "Come on Tim!  Give me something I can work with."  Then when the dealer would deal to themselves, Tan Tan would say: "Walk it out."  To her this meant the dealer would play enough cards to bust, and she would win.  This went on for hours.  We started copying her "catchphrases" and she loved us.  My favorite part was that she kept saying she wanted to win enough so she could go eat at Olive Garden that night.  "Oh I gots to get me some Olive Garden. MMM MM."  Never mind the fact she had over $100 in chips in front of her.  Plus her teeth were not entirely pleasant either.  But either way, Tan Tan ruled at Sahara.

After awhile, we decided to seek our entertainment elsewhere.  Since we had already taken the Tram as far north as it would go (Rick swears by the Tram), we decided to walk to our next destination: The Stratosphere.  Now, The Strat isn't the worst place in the world.  Its actually kinda nice, but it is SO FAR out up the Strip you don't want to walk there.  Plus at night, it is not the most comforting neighborhood.

We get to the Strat, sign up for Player Cards and immediately start gambling to get free shit.  Within 20 minutes, Rick and I each scored nice Stratosphere t-shirts for playing some dumb video blackjack game and getting enough credits.  It goes without saying we have been knee-deep in the beer all day, so we are having some fun.

I settle into a live blackjack game and Rick joined in soon thereafter.  During deck shuffles and chip transactions, its not uncommon for some players to be "social" with other players at the table.  It usually involves asking if you are "up" on the trip, or where you are from.  For some reason during the evening Rick started giving out fake information to people like a fake name, fake hometown, and a fake occupation.  I didn't even blink and followed his play with this.  It just got obnoxious and we didn't care.  It was Las Vegas baby!  We'd say what we "did" for a living, and what "town" we were from.  I think we even acted like we didn't know each other at one point.  As time pressed on, we started calling the other players at the table by whatever city or state they said they were from.  "Aw c'mon New Jersey!  Why'd you hit that?"  "Nice job Reno."  Eventually, it evolved into calling people what they were drinking.  At one point while we were playing with guys we called "Tequila Sunrise" and "Whiskey Sour," our table went on an unprecedented win streak.  It was awesome.

Now, the entire time we are playing at Stratosphere, they are pimping and advertising their resident show at the hotel called "Bite."  The ads on the TVs and whatnot showed the faces of female vampires complete with fangs and fake blood. Nothing real original.  Eventually I inquired to the dealer what the story was on this "Bite" show.  He tells us that it is actually pretty good, and in a nutshell it is topless female vampires that dance around to rock music.  He suddenly had my direct attention.  Topless vampires dancing to rock music??  He continues on and says its "classic" rock music, and then there are parts of the show where they go into the audience and bring people on stage. 


Well, that's it.  I decided that my mission for the rest of the night was to get "comped" tickets for Rick and I to see the hot topless vampire show.  First, I continued chatting up the dealer to see what I needed to do to make this happen.

"So how does one go about getting some free vampire tickets?

He told me I'd have to talk to the pit boss about that.  Crap.  So while I wait for Mr. Pit Boss to come around, I am trying to stack my chips up all nice and big and have my Players Club card is sitting there to remind him they are "rating" me.  A few minutes later the Pit Boss wandered by our table and stopped to see how we were all doing.  Rick and I had been on his radar all night anyway due to our boisterous shenanigans, so he was watching our chip stacks.

"So.  How's that Vampire Show you guys got here?"  I ask.

"It's pretty good.  You should check it out."  he says.

He then turned and walked away and did not even give my subtle inquiry any thought.  Time to step it up.  The next time he wandered by, I say: 

"You know, I think my action here tonight should warrant some vampire tickets."

The pit boss goes "Ehh, I think you might need to play a bit longer."  To which I reply: "Dude, I'm winning here!  You don't want me to do that."  He came back with "Well, the tickets are two-for-one tonight.  You should hit the box office before they close.  It's a good show."  He then walked away again.

So now I'm not only drunk, I'm pissed and drunk - never a good combination.  AND I have no vampire tickets.  So now I know he knows I want vampire tickets, and for some reason he isn't keen on giving them up to Mr. Bud Light sitting at the "2nd base" spot at Blackjack table 13.  I had to try one more time because there was no way I was paying a dime for these vampire tickets.

The next time he came by, he unquestionably blew me off.  I could not believe it.  My quest for vampire tickets had left me disgusted and disgruntled.  So. I decided to do what any other rational drunk idiot playing blackjack would do - Every time I saw the Pit Boss was in earshot of our table, I would blurt out:


I'm sure Rick was glad he had been acting like he didn't know me at this point. 


Needless to say, I did not get vampire tickets and we left a short time later.

I am however happy to report that our good play did not go unloved that night.  We headed back to the Sahara for more gambling and they COMPED us at their big dinner buffet that night. 

YEEEAHHH!  So screw you Stratosphere!  YEAH!  Rick and I got comped at the Sahara!  YEAH!!  Rick and I had an ENDLESS buffet of bland tasteless food while YOU were all sitting there with your... big... skyscraper.. tower.., and.. your... topless.. vampire.. women... dancing... and ...shaking.. their... boobs..... to classic Van Halen....... (crying)

I hate you Stratosphere.

 (*) Name changed to protect the guilty/innocent

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