Tuesday, January 24, 2012

You Bet Your Balls It's Neil Diamond's 71st Birthday!!

Neil Diamond.  Is there a more suave m-f'er out there?  No.  There is not.  This guy could sing the Yellow Pages live in concert and the ladies would still scream and throw their underwear.

Look at this guy!  Do you understand how cool he is?  He is SO cool, any Dad would let Neil take his daughter out on a date.  And that Dad knows for a FACT that his daughter is going to get banged by Neil Diamond that night.  Well - I might add. 

The best part is: Ol' Dad isn't going to complain.  No, he's going to go into the coffee shop Saturday morning and proudly announce, "Yep, my daughter Missy got BANGED by NEIL DIAMOND!!"

Truth be told, Neil is the King of the Cheesy Performance.  His live act is so automatic it is amazing.  The guy can show up and just "mail in" the performance, and it is the most awesome spectacle ever.

Watch the movie "Saving Silverman."  The devotion to Neil Diamond in that movie is hilarious.  Jason Biggs' "Neil" wig is to die for.  Plus, I gotta get me one of these shirts.  I'd dress up for Halloween in a second.

Then of course the ultimate tribute lies in the hands of Will Ferrell.  His impersonation is one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.  It was so good, The Gap even used him to sell their blue jeans while Will Ferrell claims he "wrote this song on the back of a Dixie Cup."  Then sings "Forever in Blue Jeans."  Its awesome. (You Tube has it).  The title of this post is in reference to an appearance on SNL's "Weekend Update," to where Jimmy Fallon goes "Hey its Neil Diamond."  Ferrell replies back "You bet your balls its Neil Diamond."

Then there is the bit that is hard to find in its entirety: The "VH1 Storytellers" bit from Saturday Night Live.  In this one, "Neil" tells the stories behind the songs.  All of the (fictitious) stories are of course just horrendous and vile.  Will Ferrell sells this bit like nothing else.

The absolute best is when he goes:
"Wait! This next song, I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection."'

Then of course his screaming response to everyone trying to get him to settle down:
"I'll smack you in the mouth! I'M NEIL DIAMOND!"

Happy Birthday Neil.  You inspire us all to want to dress in flashy clothes, and cause us to drunkenly scream "Sweet Caroline" at karaoke night.  Rock on.

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