Monday, July 20, 2015

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 148

The Time Mookie Asked About A Drug Test

Ladies and Gentlemen,  I am (finally) back with a Monday Morning Story.  Yeah I know it has been awhile since I have done one or even really posted anything to the website, but I've been busy..... so sue me.  Plus I just haven't felt like writing much here lately due to the incessant need of having to write A LOT of stuff at work.  Like a lot of stuff:  letters, complaint responses, and endless emails to your Mom.  So I'm sure you can understand my lack of enthusiasm when the weekend rolls around and I don't feel like sitting in front of a screen and rattling out a story.  Speaking of work, that brings us to today's story.  You might think it's a short one, but it's the best I can do today. Bite me.

Many years ago when I was offered a job at the fine company I work at now, I had spent the prior two-months being unemployed and woefully depressed as I had been laid off by the jerk-wads at the mighty MCI Worldcom. The job offer was huge personal morale booster, and showed me that I could still snow someone into believing I was capable of bigger things (I'm still doing this today - fake it till you make it).

I had two interviews with the hiring manager, and felt that I was a great candidate.  I still remember leaving the first interview and thinking I had nailed it like I never had before.  I had THE right answers to everything and I could tell that the person interviewing me was impressed.  Late one afternoon a few weeks later, I finally got a call from an H.R. rep with the company.  "Hi, this is So-And-So with Blah Blah Blah.  We would like to offer you the position of Blah Blah Blah."  Oh hell yes.  She gave me the pertinent details like how much they were offering to pay me, when it started, and where I would report to.  I didn't want to seem TOO eager about it, but yet inside I was screaming.  I knew I should run it by my wife before I accepted it because there were several things to consider at that point (childcare, transportation, etc).  So I told Ms. H.R. Lady that I needed to talk to my wife, and would get back with her shortly.  I promptly called my wife who gave me a solid "hell yes" to the job offer, so I called the H.R. lady back to accept their offer.  She again gave me a run-down of the time and place I needed to be there, and asked if I had any other questions.  It was then that I asked a few questions to make sure I had everything locked up and didn't have any surprises when I showed up for my first day.  My last question was one that in hindsight could have caused them to rescind the whole thing.  "So, do I have to do a drug test or anything before I start?"

There was a short pause on the call, and finally the H.R. lady cautiously said "Um, no. You don't."  I quickly understood her apprehensive tone and tried to cover my tracks as best I could by saying something like "Oh OK. I know when I have applied at other companies in the past, they have always required something like that.  I was unsure if I'd have to make an appointment for that before I started."  She seemed OK with my response and then said that was not something they required.  When we cordially concluded,  I hung up the phone and instead of being totally thrilled - I felt very nervous at the fact this lady was probably seriously wondering if she had just extended a job offer to druggie.

In the end though it all worked out, and I haven't even been subjected to a random drug test either.  Many years later during a discussion with the manager who hired me, I told her this very story and joked that I'm surprised they didn't rescind their offer.  She laughed and laughed, and told me that when the H.R. lady called to tell her I had accepted the position, she did mention the fact I had asked about a drug test.  Thankfully my manager had the foresight to not be scared off by this, and I have been gainfully employed ever since.

So remember kids:  It's good to ask questions.  Just don't ask ones that make you look like you need a clean urine sample.

Miss a previous episode? Click HERE to check out the library and see what you missed.


  1. Your stories and posts are too short lately. Your readers deserve better.

  2. It's been awhile since you posted a Monday Morning Story. I am one of legions of your adoring fans that would appreciate a more consistent frequency. Your readers deserve better.


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