Monday, September 29, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 130

The Time Mookie Had To De-Stink His Chair At Work

My cube at work is right next to one of the network printers that my department uses. I sit along the "edge" of the department, while there is a bigger and faster printer right in the middle of the department. Thankfully most people use the bigger printer, and I am not constantly bothered by people walking past me on the way to the printer.

One day the printer next to me decided to crap out, so they called in the Xerox repair guy to have a look at it. A few days later, this big guy with body odor that would offend a hog farmer showed up to have a look at it. As he milled around trying to decide what he was going to do, I thankfully had to leave for the day to pick up the kids at school. Upon leaving the building I found myself able to breathe through my nose again. Seriously....he smelled THAT bad.

For whatever reason, I worked from home the next day and messaged one of my neighbors at work to see if the smelly guy had fixed the printer. I was told that the guy proceeded to take the whole thing apart and TRIED to do whatever printer repair guys do to make it work again. I say "tried" because this guy effed up the whole thing and admitted himself that he broke it "even more than it was before." Great. To make a long story short here, this meant we could get a new printer but it would take a few weeks. In the meantime, we would have to use the other printer until the broken one by my desk was replaced. No big deal.

When I showed up to work the next day, I proceeded to my desk and noticed that the broken printer was still sitting there - but in an obvious state of disrepair. I sat down at my desk, and was suddenly overcome by a smell I could not ignore. It was the pure and unmistakable smell of body odor to the nth degree. Holy God. The only problem was that I did not know where it was coming from. I did the armpit check to myself, looked in my garbage can, and looked under my desk for the source of this foul odor. It was then that I turned around a put my nose to my chair and smelled it. HOLY SHIT.

I asked my neighbors if the Xerox guy had sat in my chair, to which they said yes. Good God almighty. I immediately went to the supply drawer and found any kind of disinfectant I could find. Luckily there were some Clorox bleach wipes in there, and I went back to my desk and wiped down EVERYTHING. The entire chair, my desk, the walls, and the frame of the cube leading to the printer. This sweaty monster had contaminated my entire work space. My neighbors became quite humored at my constant swearing and sounds of disgust as I de-fouled everything.

When I had finished de-stinking the place, I thought that I would be able to sit back down and start working. But guess what? During the time I had sat down and through the entire cleaning of my cube, the offending smell had infiltrated my nose. No matter where I went - I could STILL SMELL IT.  I ended up in the bathroom washing my hands vigorously and made sure I cleaned out my nose by blowing it five or ten times and wiping it out with tissues. Finally...when I returned to my desk, all I could smell was the sweet odor of Clorox lemon-scented antibacterial wipes.  Ahh relief.

This relief was only short-lived though, because I KNEW this guy might be back when they replaced the printer. For the next two weeks, I lived in fear because I didn't want this guy near my desk again. Finally the day of reckoning arrived - and much to my delight - the Xerox person that day was not Mr. Body Odor. The person on duty that day turned out to be a nice (and clean looking) lady with a fresh new printer sitting on a rolling cart. She hooked it up, made sure it worked and departed with the broken down old one.  Ahh nasal offense avoided.

Every so often though, I can still smell that guy. I don't know where the offending smell is coming from, but it's here.....somewhere....lingering.

I hate that guy.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent

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