Ladies and Gentlemen: The ONE-HUNDREDTH EPISODE! To celebrate the occasion, I give you what is EASILY one of my all-time most bone-head stories of all-time. Enjoy.
When the local rock station announced that Aerosmith would
be coming to town on their latest tour, the boys and I were pretty jazzed about it. The majority of us wanted to
“do it up right” and make sure we got good and liqoured up prior to the show. “Rick” (*) being the good boy he tries to be - said he would not be drinking. So, because we are all such assholes good friends - we told him that he could drive, and that we'd be drinking in his car. This was not well-received, but because he knew we were going to do it anyway the pouting was short-lived.
When the day of the show arrived, we had a caravan of people going. "Rick*," "Junior*," "Russ*," "Kreeg*," and I all piled into at least two cars and headed out for the show. I don't know who got it for us, but the non-drivers were all drinking Lord Calvert whiskey mixed with Diet Pepsi. Let me go on record and say that while Lord Calvert is not a good whiskey, it will definitely do in a pinch. By the time we were half-way to the show, it was safe to say we were feeling the effects of our Calvert beverage. Once we hit town, we had to stop at Taco Bell for some reason - someone must have been hungry - so Russ and I took it upon ourselves to "freshen up" our drinks before we headed in to the show and got Lord Calvert out of the trunk. It should go without saying that we probably should have left Lord Calvert in the trunk and not topped off our cups......but then again...where is the fun in that?
Once everyone returned to the car, we drove down the street to the parking ramps and found a choice spot right by the exits. Those of us that were drinking consumed what we had left, and then we all started over to the venue to wait in line for the doors to open for the show. The particular venue we were at had "general admission" seating - which meant there were no assigned seats and you could go where you pleased to watch the show. Our goal (as per usual) was to secure seating close to the stage, so that meant we had to have a good place in line to get these seats.
When the day of the show arrived, we had a caravan of people going. "Rick*," "Junior*," "Russ*," "Kreeg*," and I all piled into at least two cars and headed out for the show. I don't know who got it for us, but the non-drivers were all drinking Lord Calvert whiskey mixed with Diet Pepsi. Let me go on record and say that while Lord Calvert is not a good whiskey, it will definitely do in a pinch. By the time we were half-way to the show, it was safe to say we were feeling the effects of our Calvert beverage. Once we hit town, we had to stop at Taco Bell for some reason - someone must have been hungry - so Russ and I took it upon ourselves to "freshen up" our drinks before we headed in to the show and got Lord Calvert out of the trunk. It should go without saying that we probably should have left Lord Calvert in the trunk and not topped off our cups......but then again...where is the fun in that?
Once everyone returned to the car, we drove down the street to the parking ramps and found a choice spot right by the exits. Those of us that were drinking consumed what we had left, and then we all started over to the venue to wait in line for the doors to open for the show. The particular venue we were at had "general admission" seating - which meant there were no assigned seats and you could go where you pleased to watch the show. Our goal (as per usual) was to secure seating close to the stage, so that meant we had to have a good place in line to get these seats.
After standing in line FOREVER to get in, they finally opened the doors to the venue and we made our dash for the 1st balcony seats near the left of the stage like we always did. Once we got settled and did some crowd watching, someone in the group thought it was a good idea to go buy t-shirts. Not wanting to feel left out, I decided to get one as well and stumbled out of my seat with Russ and Junior to find the nearest merchandise table. By this time, I was feeling the full effect of the Lord Calvert I had consumed on the way to the show. I was - in one word: RIPPED. We found a merchandise dealer just inside the balcony hallway, and each of us dropped thirty-some bucks for our choice of an Aerosmith t-shirt. (Concert shirts are a nice trophy from the show, but an incredible rip off.) With shirts in hand, we headed back to our seats.
As we walked back down the stairs to our seats, I quickly found out that my state of inebriation was definitely making walking down stairs trickier than usual. We finally got to our row, and to get to my seat I had to squeeeeeeeeeze past Rick and Russ while tip-toeing against the seat backs in the row in front of us. On a good day when I'm not drunk - I'm always afraid I'm going to fall when sliding through a row because of how narrow it is. Well today...alcohol decided I wasn't going to make it safely to my seat.
Stumble. Flip. Thud. I did a COMPLETE flip into the next row, and not only that - I landed on two ladies as I entered the next row. The word "landed" is probably too nice of a term for the way I came out of nowhere and smashed them. I landed on my ass on the floor in front of these two gals, and I looked up to my friends a full row above me as I tried to figure out what I'd done. I was greeted with enormous laughter from Russ and Junior, and EXTREME annoyance and anger from Rick. "MOOKIE WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING?" Everyone helped me up, and I tried to apologize to the ladies but they wanted nothing to do with me after I had just fallen on them. Rick continued cursing me, telling me how stupid I was, and that there were supposedly cops right at the top of the stairs. While I was embarrassed for falling like that in public, Rick was even more so - plus I think he was afraid we were all going to get in trouble and get arrested.
Eventually the show started and I made a point to stay seated during the opening acts - mainly so I didn't fall again - but also because Rick was giving me the stink eye the whole time. By the time Aerosmith took the stage, I had regained my faculties and was able to stand in the row without falling down - which was a good thing because I think we stood for the whole show.
Aerosmith rocked.
As we walked back down the stairs to our seats, I quickly found out that my state of inebriation was definitely making walking down stairs trickier than usual. We finally got to our row, and to get to my seat I had to squeeeeeeeeeze past Rick and Russ while tip-toeing against the seat backs in the row in front of us. On a good day when I'm not drunk - I'm always afraid I'm going to fall when sliding through a row because of how narrow it is. Well today...alcohol decided I wasn't going to make it safely to my seat.
 |
| I'm telling you...those narrow rows will get you |
Eventually the show started and I made a point to stay seated during the opening acts - mainly so I didn't fall again - but also because Rick was giving me the stink eye the whole time. By the time Aerosmith took the stage, I had regained my faculties and was able to stand in the row without falling down - which was a good thing because I think we stood for the whole show.
Aerosmith rocked.
When the show ended, I again tried to apologize to the gals I fell on and they said it was "okay" even though I'm sure it wasn't. They could have gotten me in a lot of trouble if they wanted to, so I have to say I was lucky in that fact.
The next day after all the dust had settled and everyone sobered up - everyone - especially Rick - had a good laugh at old Mookie's expense. I believe I was called "MER" for awhile after that (short for 'gomer'), and I didn't question the name as it was certainly well deserved.To this day, my friends like to bring up that little event and remind me that no matter how I'm doing in life - that I am a dumb ass.
Yep - I am. I just try not to be so public about it now.
(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent
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