Monday, January 06, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 99

The Time Mookie And The Boys Dished Out Some Yellow Justice

Ah this is an age old classic from the days of yore....

Back story here:  Prior to this evening, my friend Russ had vocally decreed his dislike for his brother's ex-girlfriend (Mary Jo*) and given the chance he wanted to "piss on her garage" as a form of retribution. Mary Jo had apparently screwed over Russ's brother something terrible, and if Russ was utterly loyal to anyone - it was to his older brother. While we thought it was an odd form of punishment, we also found it funny and dismissed the comment as Russ just "being Russ."

One lazy night in our big city of lameness, Rick*, Russ*, Junior*, and I were hanging out - and per usual - we were bored. As I have stated before....when we were out on the town and became bored with the state of activities....deviant things would happen. Finally in desperation, someone asked the question: "What are we going to do tonight?" 

It should have been no surprise when Russ sat up from the backseat and uttered with psychotic conviction - "Let's go piss on "Mary Jo's garage." Given the uneventful state of affairs in town that night - we were "in."

Russ told us where she lived, so we parked a safe distance away on a side street and decided to walk up the alley towards her house. Upon arrival at the garage, Russ wasted NO time and let the stream fly. We naturally followed suit and began painting the side of the garage as well. The entire time we were peeing, we were giggling like retards and were less-than-quiet - which was totally stupid given the fact that not only were we urinating in public, but we were also peeing on a garage that belonged to a police officer. Yes - Miss Mary Jo happened to be a police officer in the next town over, so that definitely made the situation a bit more thrilling. Upon completion, we zipped up and began running up the alley back towards my car. In our hurry to get back to the car we cut through a yard and a few of us got tangled in some string that was supposed to keep people off the grass. This of course caused us to yell/fall/laugh and create a disturbance on the dark unlit street.

Well, it was unlit until a porch light of a near-by house came on and was followed by a man yelling "WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING?!!! I looked up and yelled "NOTHING" and scrambled to the car as fast as I could, fired the engine as everyone else got in and got the hell out of there. We drove away with lights off so the "witness" couldn't see my license plates, and began laughing once we were out of danger.

It was about then that Russ said in his determined voice - "We should go back and piss on that guy's car." We quickly agreed that we should, but decided that it probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do given the possible witness we already encountered. We decided that it would have to wait till another night.

A few weeks later, Russ and I were working the closing shift at Hardee's when the topic of paying a visit to that guy's house arose during a lull in business. We both agreed that when we got off work at 11:30 that night - we would return to finish the job. In preparation, I began drinking lots of soda to ensure I would have a full bladder when the time of retribution arrived.

At 11:45, we parked a block away from our target's house - walked up to the car parked in the target's driveway - and commenced peeing all over it. And I do mean ALL OVER IT. If there was a gold medal for peeing on cars, we would have won it hands down. We left as quietly as we arrived, and held our heads up high for succeeding on our mission of retribution.

As the years have gone by, I see that guy on occasion while I'm at the store and what-not. Every time I see him I am reminded of those nights where we dished out our yellow justice upon his car and Mary Jo's garage.

I know I shouldn't, but every time I think about it - I always laugh.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent

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