Monday, January 16, 2017

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 154

The Time Mookie Was Honestly Kind Of Worried About Society

Ok, so.  I am NOT the most socially connected guy in the world. I read the news almost everyday, and I know what is generally going on in the world.  However, one could argue that living in my small town all these years has done little to - as they say - broaden my horizons. I'd argue against their statement and tell them to eff off, but dammit when it comes down to things they might be right. However I feel I'm probably more connected than most people.  I don't read Breitbart  for goodness sakes.

I'll say on record right now, that I am a REGISTERED Republican.  There. I said it.  Sometimes I'm not proud to admit it, but sweet Jesus can you blame me?  Have you seen the drivel that the Republican Party has put up for president the last 3 times?  Goodness.  2004 - Mitt Romney? Bitch please.  That guy is creepy AF.  2008 - John McCain. I'll be the first to say John McCain was semi-legit, but good lord he had that train wreck Sarah Palin as his vice-presidential running mate - and the wheels came off that train in a hurry.  The ONLY thing going for that ticket was that it would have been the nicest set of calves ever to grace the office of the Vice Presidency. Is that sexist?  You bet your ass it is....but I was the ONLY thing going for it.  I have to admit though that I haven't seen Joe Biden's calves. Who knows....his calves might be sexy as hell.  I think that guy is hilariously awesome so I could be totally wrong here.  I'm pointing back-atcha Joe!  You suave mofo.

I'll go on record even further as a registered Republican and say that I have NOT voted for a Republican presidential candidate since George W. Bush.  (I'm sorry, for as much as people make fun of that guy and say how terrible he was...I think he was a good guy.) Yep.  I voted for Obama both times, and for some goddamn reason, I voted for Hillary this most recent time.  You might ask yourself, "Why would a registered Republican vote that way?" Well, I'll tell you.  Donald Trump is an EFFING CRACKPOT.

I know I'm not alone in this thinking, and most staunch Republicans even feel this way, which is SCARY since most staunch Republicans are wicked scary!  I'm what I consider to be a VERY left leaning Republican.  Not quite independent.  Sort of Democrat, but not really.  Why? I don't know. I just am.  Anyway..back to the crackpot.

Back when the caucuses and primaries started, I jokingly hoped that Donald Trump would win a few of the primaries and scare some people.  Mainly it was because the other Republican candidates were AWFUL. These guys were just pure swine and vermin.  Ted Cruz?  Seriously? He had a face that any grandmother would want to punch.  Based on what I heard about the guy and how disliked he was by EVERYONE HE EVER MET....I even have a feeling that his own mother probably didn't like him.

It goes without saying - but I have a twisted way of looking at things.  I sometimes root for the underdog when I REALLY shouldn't.  When I hear about a guy that escaped from jail?  I ROOT for that guy.  I don't want him to hurt anyone, but man!  THE THRILL OF THE CHASE! How long can they hide from the cops? It's so exciting!!!  So Donald Trump running for president? Sure! Secretly root for the guy! Why not?  It will last a month and be a bit of fun for awhile as the media goes berserk over him. Then it kept going. And going. And going. (Insert Harry Caray and Chris Berman in here) HOLY COW! HE! COULD! GO! ALL! THE! WAY!!!!  My wife and I sat on the couch like most of America on election night just waiting for the numbers to swing towards Hillary...because seriously...this is Donald Trump people were voting for.  And I'll be a monkey's motherf---ing uncle......they never did. I get why people don't like Hillary Clinton.  I'm not that stupid. I wouldn't trust her any further than I can throw her (and with my bad knee I shouldn't throw anybody - Ferris Bueller's Day Off), but she has the history and knowledge and the political backbone for this game. Based on that experience ALONE she SHOULD be a no-brainer here.  But apparently America wasn't up for her brand of fun, and they have opened up a can of crazy that is going to be unleashed this week.  Yep. This. Week.

This Friday.  January 20, 2017 - Donald John Trump - The guy who coined the goddamned phrase "You're Fired" on a reality TV show - is going to be President Of The United States of God Damned America.  At first I thought it wouldn't be that bad.  I told myself that I didn't think he could do THAT much damage and ruin things as much as people feared.  Most of the stuff he would have to do would need to go through the House and the Senate, and as I said before - most of the people in the House and Senate think he's looney tunes too.  But wow.  He's not even in office yet and he's ALREADY trying.  Worse yet....I don't know if the Republicans will stop him. I even get the idea that the people he's asking to be in his Cabinet think he is talking out of his ass too.  They have more than once tried to re-clarify something Big Don has tweeted and said "that wasn't what he meant," but then Big Don tweets back "No I mean the crazy shit I said.  Like, YOOOGELY. We're taking over GINA!"

Even worse, there is evidence to show he has totally been in cahoots with the Russians this whole time - before, during, and AFTER the election.  He may even have the head of the FBI hiding his shadiness too.  Tell me that shit isn't GD scary.

So, am I concerned?  Sure. Am I worried.  A little bit.  Is he going to nuke the world? No.  Will we be drinking vodka and kissing the ring on Vladimir Putin's hand in 4 years?  Wow. Maybe.  I do like vodka though.  It's too bad Jack Daniel's isn't their national drink though, because that would be pretty awesome.  Will our health care and financial standings be in shambles? Who knows.  I've seen people on Facebook who are counting the days until the NEXT presidential election, and think that they will be able to get Trump out of there quick, fast, and in a hurry.  Time will tell.

All I know is that we are definitely living through historical time period my friends, and we may witness some of the most craziest shit our country has ever seen in at least the next four years.  It will definitely be a dose of reality TV....that's for sure.  If/When we survive it all, I can't wait for the day when I can tell my grand kids that YES, I was alive during the most bat-shit time during our country's history and survived it all.  That will be quite the bedtime story for sure.

Buckle up kids. It will be a ride.

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