Monday, October 20, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 132

The Time Mookie Embarrassed A Bossy Attorney

A few years back I decided to start a pretty serious running regimen, and ended up getting the wild idea of doing a marathon. In addition to all the running, I had also began to watch what I ate to an extent. The end result was a positive one: I dropped about 30 pounds over the next 4 to 5 months.

As the months progressed, all of my co-workers had commented how great I looked and often asked what I had been doing to lose the weight. At the time I thought nothing of it because it was just something I was doing and didn't think it was all that special.  Looking back at it now, it was quite an accomplishment. Especially since I've fallen off the wagon when it comes to ample exercise and a quality diet....but I digress.

One day I was walking through the department when I crossed paths with my manager "Shari*" and the attorney for our group "Jane.*"  Jane was easily the most no-nonsense person I had ever worked with up until that point. When she had an opinion about something, it was sharp and to the point with little regard for any feelings that might be in the way. To this day I will never forget the time she tore something I was working on to SHREDS because she was sure it would get us sued/fined and Lord knows what else. In hindsight, she over-reacted horribly and I eventually figured out that her diatribe wasn't personal, but she was doing her job and allegedly protecting the company. It didn't mean I liked her or agreed with her tactics though.

I acknowledged Shari and Jane, and as I passed I heard them murmuring something. After I had passed by I heard Jane say out loud: "Wow you weren't kidding, he has lost a lot of weight!" As my brain processed this, I didn't know if I should take this as a compliment or a slam. Either way, I had to respond.

I immediately stopped and turned around, looked at my butt and then right at Jane and said in a shocked tone: "Jane, are you checking me out?"  Her mouth dropped and her face turned a shade of pink I had never seen before.  She was utterly speechless - which was awesome. She started stammering for a second but never really managed to say anything. It was then that I smiled at the both of them and continued on my way.

Shari came over to my desk later in the day and told me what I had said to Jane was HILARIOUS and that she had never seen her like that before." I just smiled and said "Good."

After enduring months of her critiques and shredding of my work, I figured the fact I had rendered Jane speechless and made her wonder if she was on track for a sexual harassment lawsuit pretty much made us "even."

* - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent

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