Monday, July 28, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 123

The Time Mookie And Rick Ate A Whole Pizza On The Way To A Basketball Game

Back in the day,"Rick*" and I had a friend named "Devin*" who worked at a local pizza place in town. Devin used to give us free pizzas on the down-low every so often, and on this particular night we decided we needed to get one. For whatever reason - we were going to drive to a nearby town and see our high school girls' basketball team play, and thought we'd eat the pizza on the way there.

We called in our "order," and when we went to pick it up - much to our surprise and delight - Devin had OVER-TOPPED THE SHIT OUT OF IT. This thing had more cheese and meat than a person should consume in 3 meals. Due to the heft of this pie, we quickly determined that eating this thing was not going to be an easy task. We didn't want to sit at the pizza place and eat it because we had places to be, and at the same time we didn't want to get pizza all over the car and ourselves. So we pondered for a moment and came up with a great idea:
The driver would "drive" while the passenger would eat pizza out of the box on their lap. Then when we got to the half-way point to the place we were going, we'd pull over and switch places. 

It was a solid and gluttonous plan. We were taking Rick's car, so he started out driving while I began inhaling my gut-busting portion of pizza. It was only a 30 minute drive to the basketball game, so we each had approximately 15 minutes to eat this thing. Somehow, I had inhaled my portion of pizza just as we rolled into the half-way point. Rick parked the car and we did the "Chinese Fire Drill" thing and switched spots in the car, with me assuming the driving duties while Rick started eating pizza. I think Rick probably regretted going second because it was a lot of stop-and-go traffic once we got to the city where the basketball game was. I know I regretted going first because driving while you are THAT full is not fun. Finally, we made it to the school and upon parking we found that we had ate the WHOLE thing. It was quite an achievement, especially because we did it with no beverages of any kind along the way. I don't remember if we did, but I'm sure a stop at the water fountain on the way into the game was a must.

The only downside to the whole endeavor was that we had to watch a basketball game while utterly full of pizza, which for all intents and purposes was worth it.

Our efforts were sick, sad, and tremendously epic. I recommend this method the next time you need to eat something messy on the go......however....maybe not in the gluttonous manner we did. But if you want to, that's OK too. I won't judge you.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent


Thursday, July 24, 2014

Strategic Balloon Placement

Based on the smirk, you just know that kid knew what he was doing.

Is It Racist?

Today's episode of "Is It Racist?" comes to us from some message board somewhere. It's that last comment that pretty much makes the post worth reading.

That FedEx Guy Knows How To Hide A Package

Seriously FedEx. Your people are stupid.

They Do Make Cards For Every Occasion



So Many Awesome Circumstances They Had To Put Them All In The Headline



Anders Holmvik Trying To Be Classy

I recently started watching "Workaholics" and it's one of my new favorite shows now. The characters on here are pure idiots, but they make me laugh so hard.


My Goatee Isn't Stupid


Monday, July 21, 2014

Interrupting Doctor

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie

Once again, I have found myself unable to produce a Monday Morning Story due to my work and personal schedules (mostly work).

I will hopefully be back with a new episode next week.
In lieu of a new episode, you can definitely go and check out the archive for an old episode.

Thanks!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 122

The Time Mookie Dreaded A Trip to Pennsylvania

As I type this, I am sitting in the airport awaiting my flight to Philadelphia, PA. From there I am going to a small town in PA that no one from where I live has even probably heard of. I am going on this trip for work, and I am going to be honest here....I don't want to go.

The problem is not so much that I'm going for work, but for the fact the place I am going is going to be EFFING BORING. I won't even be in Philly so I can't go see the Liberty Bell, visit The Gang from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia," or even go visit the playground where the Fresh Prince spent most of his days before going to Bel Air. That last one is probably the biggest tragedy.

So instead of walking around and seeing things, I will probably spend my evenings working in my hotel room. Thrillsville. Someone in my office was like "Cool, I wish I could go. Getting away from the wife and kids is always nice." Yeah not really. I like my wife and kids. Leaving my family to do something not fun isn't my idea of a good time.

The lone bright spot will probably be watching people in the airport. I've only been here 15 minutes and have been laughing at stuff in my head. There is a kid sitting near me right now that has a huge picture of "Macho Man" Randy Savage with the words "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH YEEEAAAH" on it. It's an awesome shirt. Across the aisle from me is some dude griping at his wife about their tablet battery being dead. "This thing is dead. I can't even look at Facebook." "I don't know why, I just charged it yesterday." "Well it's DEAD Jenn. I'm not stupid." Its funny when other people bicker. In her defense, I'll bet he's stupid. Plus I always enjoy looking at people and wondering who I will be sitting next to. Will it be yoga pants lady or the couple with the crying kid? How about muscle shirt guy with hairy arms? I hope it's that guy.

Well that's about it. I'm going to board this heap of scrap metal in a few minutes and begin my journey. I'm hoping some fun will be had along the way, although for some reason I'm not terribly optimistic about it (big shock). Then again maybe I'll make my own fun and see where that lands me. Heh heh.
Either way I'm sure you'll hear about it someday.

Have a good one.