Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 89

The Time Mookie And Gang Had A Hole-In-One Party For Russ

One day I was at home minding my own business when I received a phone call from a very excitable group of my friends ("Rick,"* "Russ,"* and "Junior"*):
"MOOKIE!  We're having a party tonight!  Russ got a hole-in-one playing golf today!"

Needless to say, they had me at the word "party." The plans quickly fell into place and were as follows:
Location:  Casa de Russ.  His Mom was out of town at her boyfriend's ("Jerr-ino"*), so that was easy enough.
Food:  Brats on the grill, chips, and of course - beer.
Entertainment:  Come what may....

The only hurdle to our impromptu event was actually getting some beer. We were all underage at the time, so we quickly put together a list of possible "candidates" we could approach for help. Failure here was not an option because it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a proper hole-in-one party without beer. You just can't do it.

I don't recall how it came to be, but Rick asked his older sister "Karen"* if she would buy us beer.  It was a somewhat risky move - we had never used her as a source before, and if for some reason she was pissed at Rick, she could easily say "no" and tell Rick's parents about it. However, she surprisingly offered to help out. In return for her graciousness and contribution to our delinquency - we invited her to join us as well.

In quick order - Russ, Rick and Karen went to the grocery store, picked up a mess of bratwurst, buns, chips, and a couple cases of Milwaukee's Best Light (I must note here that Russ - bitterly - ended up paying for the entire grocery purchase - beer and everything. To this day he still brings up the fact he had to fund the entire party for HIS hole-in-one.)

We all converged on Russ' house at the pre-determined time and let the party begin.  The sound system was cranked, the grill was cooking, and the beer - my God the beer tasted lovely.  Russ of course was in a good mood after his golfing feat, and seemed to be having a good time hosting the BBQ with his pals.  After 3 or 4 beers though, he started talking trash and said something about "getting up on the roof" and continuing the party there.  We all laughed and didn't think anything of it, but we should have known better.....

As the sun went down we kept the music cranked (probably much to the neighborhood's dismay), the beer continued to flow, and laughs were had by all. This is of course until we realized that Russ was no where to be found.  "WHERE THE EFF IS RUSS?"

It was then that we noticed a 6-ft ladder out on the deck next to the eaves of the house. Oh shit.

We drank on the roof WAY
before Homer Simpson did.

Sure enough, sitting up on the peak of the roof in the dark - grinning like a jackass - was Russ.  So we did what any rational people would do in that situation:  we joined him.  We all grabbed handfuls of beer out of the fridge and made our way up the ladder and onto the roof of the house.  It wasn't a terribly steep roof, but probably wasn't the smartest move for a bunch of people who were knee-deep in cheap beer to be up there - in the dark no less.  Not to be outdone by her younger party-goers, Karen even got up on the roof with us too.  More beer was drank, photos were taken (yes...there are photos...but I can't show them due to confidentiality agreements), and finally we all decided we "should" probably get down before we fell down.  Somehow we all made it back down without falling - or even spilling our beers, so that is saying something.

A little while after we were inside, there was knock on the door. As we weren't expecting anyone else, the first thing we thought of was that it was the cops. Russ answered the door and pleasantly found several ladies from his class at school wanting to join the party.They all had been at the house of a mutual friend about a block away, and saw/heard the party rocking at Russ's place. With the house now flowing with people, everyone stood around and talked/laughed with each other until it became apparent that a few of the new party guests and Russ were absent (again). "WHERE THE EFF IS RUSS?"

Sure enough, Russ decided to invite several of his new party guests up onto the roof and let them enjoy the ambiance of sitting on shingles while drinking cheap beer.  After 10-15 minutes though, we were finally were able to coax them all the roof and back into the house. Again - thankfully no one fell (or spilled their beer).

As it neared midnight, the party began to wind down and the guests started to depart. By this time, Russ's face was bright red (a common thing when Russ drank) and he was slowly going down hill. It wasn't long before he was laying on his side on the floor, and more or less passed out while the rest of us sat there drinking our beers. When the rest of us decided to depart, we tried to stir Russ to get him off the floor but he was less-than-coherent - so we left him there - lights on and everything. The only thing we did was to make sure he was laying on his side so in case he threw up in his sleep he didn't drown in his own vomit and die (we were thoughtful that way).

The next day Russ tried to give us hell for "ditching" him and leaving him on the floor. He said:
"I woke up in the middle of the night and all you f*ckers were gone."
We explained to him that we tried to wake him up a few times but the only responses we got from his drunk ass were grunts and moans. In "classic Russ" fashion, he just smiled and said "Really? I don't remember any of that."

To this day - whenever I go by that house -  I always remember that one night - sitting up on that roof and drinking beer with the boys. It was a classic good time.


* - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent.

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