Monday, November 11, 2013

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 92

The Time Mookie Watched A Gay Man Interrupt A Sociology Class

This is one of my personal favorite stories from college for some reason. During my junior year in college, I had to take "Intro to Sociology" as it was one of my "core" classes for my major. It was a Mon/Wed/Fri class at 10 am, so it wasn't too difficult to attend for the most part - except for the fact that the class was gawd-awful-boring. Since it was a large lecture hall and because I usually sat towards the back of the room, its safe to say my attention was usually not directed at the professor. Even on the days when I actually tried to pay attention, it didn't take long for me to become bored of the lectures about "social norms" and behavioral theories. All I know is that most days my notebook contained more doodles than it did actual notes.

Then one day - much to my delight - the monotony was broken in the most unexpected way. The door at the front of the room burst open and was followed by the sound of a VERY effeminate male going "Heeellllloooooooooooo!" In the door walked a guy I recognized from my floor in the dorm, and everyone called him "Velvet.*" Everyone called him Velvet because he had short-spiked hair that had a very soft appearance - you know....like velvet. Oh, and because he was really really gay.

At first I just thought it was something the professor had cooked up to show us what it looked like to break "social norms" or something like that, but no - it was not that. To make his entrance all the more entertaining, Velvet was carrying a HUGE bouquet of Mylar helium balloons. The professor, who for some reason was mildly amused at Velvet's impromptu entrance, asked if he could "help" Velvet with anything. This surprised me, because prior to this I had always seen this professor as a "hard ass" - and definitely a guy who would probably be pissed that a flamboyant gay had just burst in and disrupted his class.

Maintaining the "enthusiasm" he had as he came in the door, Velvet said "I'm sorry to interrupt your class, but I'm wondering if "Betty Sanders*" is here today?" Everyone in the class began to look around the room and at each other wondering who this Betty girl was, and if she would show herself. A few seconds went by and then finally Velvet blurted out "Therrrre sheeeee issssss!" He began wading through a row of students to a girl who was covering her face with her hands and laughing/crying with obvious embarrassment. Standing there with the balloon bouquet in his outstretched hand - he addressed her in front of everyone: "Betty, would you go out with "Kevin*" this Friday night?" Half the class (the girls) did the "OHHHHH!!!" thing like it was the sweetest thing ever. The other half sat there going "WHAT THE F^%K IS THIS SH!T?"  Poor Betty, who was so embarrassed that she couldn't even look up at Velvet, actually nodded her head "yes" to his inquiry. This of course caused several people to clap, because...you know...people are idiots. He handed her the bouquet, apologized to the professor again, and departed as quickly has he had arrived.

Everyone had a good laugh, and when everyone settled down the professor resumed his lecture of the day.

I thought that would be the end of it. No, no it wasn't.

I returned to the dorms later that day, and as I'm walking down the hall towards my room I passed a batch of rooms that belonged to residents I didn't really know - but admittedly were ones I generally avoided. One of the residents that lived in one of the rooms was someone everyone affectionately referred to as "Death Metal.*" He was the kind of kid everyone knew from high school that carved "METALLICA" into his arm during study hall, wore all black clothing, got wasted every weekend, and did endless amounts of pot. This was Death Metal to a "T." He and his posse often had their room doors open, and had some sort of rancid music blaring while they all sat around in a circle doing God-knows-what. Well lo-and-behold, as I passed Death Metal's room....who do I see sitting in his room with him and Velvet??? That's right...Betty from Sociology. Death Metal (a.k.a. Kevin) was the one who had Velvet do his dirty work for him, and it worked!

Betty didn't appear to be the kind of gal I pegged to be into someone like Death Metal, but then again I don't know what kind of girl would be into Death Metal. I remember seeing Betty hanging out with Death for more than a few weeks around the dorm, and ol' Death even cleaned up a bit for Betty. He got his hair trimmed, cut back on the amount of black clothing he normally wore, and I don't recall him being wasted for a few weeks either.

But alas. Like most college romances - it wasn't meant to be - and Death Metal returned his "Death Metal ways" a month or two later. I can still remember the night when I passed Death Metal en route to the bathroom, and saw him fall into a bathroom stall and vomit all over it.
That pretty much told me it was over.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent.

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