Top Ten Signs Santa Hates You

10. Every Christmas morning you find an "upper-decker" in your toilet.

 9. He steals a bulb from the lights on the tree so the entire string doesn't work.

 8. He dumps the milk and crumbles the cookies you left for him all over the rug.

 7. He leaves you messages saying he has naked pictures of your mom.

 6. Somehow he does donuts in the front yard with the sleigh.

 5. You can't prove it, but you know he HAS TO BE the one that keeps signing you up to be a Pampered Chef sales consultant.

 4. Sets the CD player to play The Little Drummer Boy at full-blast when turned on.

 3. He covers your trees with old lady underwear.

 2. Drinks all your beer and leaves the empties under the tree.

 1. That's not a lump of coal in your stocking.