Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Would You Like Some Ice Cream?

This was a big hit here at the Breathtaking and Inappropriate office....


I'm Not Sure That's What They Meant



Don't Do ANYTHING To The Rocks



They Had Me At "Soft Drink"


50,000 Hits!

I just noticed this afternoon that my sad little website has reached 50,000 views since its inception.  I know that this amount is NOTHING in the whole scheme of the internet, and I realize that real websites get that much traffic in 10 minutes......

But for some doof who doesn't advertise his site, and just hopes his links hit a Google search or two every so often...this is kind of cool. Whether it is for my Monday Morning Stories, or my weekly Tuesday Ron Swanson screencap, or all the other stuff I snag off other social media, news sites, or the stuff to me by family and friends...its cool to know that my site has been visited 50,000 times (so far).

Thanks for visiting! :)

Ron Swanson Does Not Joke Around



Monday, January 27, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 102

The Time Mookie Went To The Ball

The college my wife "Megan*" went to has an event every year called "The Presidential Ball" where the school holds a dance hosted by and/or in honor of the President of the college. The entire college is invited - the entire student body, faculty, and alumni are all encouraged to show up in their best "formal dress" attire and have a good time.

When my wife first told me about it - and her desire to go this one particular year, the first thing I asked was "Is it boring?" When I pictured a "presidential ball," I pictured a stuffy room full of rich fat-cat alumni, uppity uber-nerd students, and old crotchety professor-types eating prime rib and dancing to the smooth sounds of the Lawrence Welk Orchestra.  My wife enthusiastically replied "No no! It is a total drunk-fest!" Needless to say, I was "in."

The evening of the event arrived, and my wife and I made our way to the ball looking all sorts of fancy. I had on a suit coat and tie, while she was wearing a tasteful - yet foxy- dress. We walked up the steps of the building where the ball was, and were greeted by tons of kids coming and going from the building. The guys were dressed in outfits that ranged from a nice suit and tie, all the way down to barely a dress shirt and jeans. Many had that douchey "frat bro" look about them, which made me laugh because I'm sure my look was not far off back when I was in college. Then.....there were the ladies....

Some were this bad.
Some were worse...
Most of the ladies were wearing "dresses," but sadly there were more than a few gals that were wearing dresses they shouldn't have been wearing. Like most college kids, I imagine they probably didn't have a whole lot of time or money to get a formal dress for an occasion such as this. Odds are good that a lot of the dresses they were wearing were old prom dresses from high school, or a prom dress they might have borrowed from a friend. Either way...some of these dresses didn't fit anymore....or just didn't fit to begin with. I'm not sure if it was a "freshman 15" kind of situation or what, but there were boobs and cleavage busting out all over the place. As tacky as it was...I was perfectly OK with this. I quickly told my wife that this should be called the "Bros and Boobs Ball."

After waiting in a short line, we made our way into the actual ballroom and the place was packed. Everyone was dancing, talking, and having a general good time. My wife ran into a few various friends, a few professors she had classes with, and introduced me to everyone. As we pressed through the crowd, it was apparent that everyone was having a good time. In fact, I would wager to say that a majority of the kids in attendance probably got "the party started" well before coming to the ball. I say this because a lot of them were good and HAMMERED. I had to admire that because back in the day.....I would have done the same thing.

As we walked through the crowd people were snapping pictures around us, and inadvertently - we'd end up in the background of them. My wife said we should start "photo-bombing" these people, which I think we ended up doing to a few of them. It would be nice to know there is someone out there looking at pictures going "Who are those two idiots posing behind us?" "Yeah that's Mookie and Megan. You're welcome."

As the night pressed on, several of Megan's friends said we needed to go with them back to their place, and then to a bar. I must mention an important fact here - some of these friends were still in college. So yes we were going to be partying with college kids. So not long before the ball was going to shut down, we started to make our way out of the building. As we exited with the crowd and ended up in the background of more pictures, I overheard many conversations within the crowd of people. My favorite involved a drunk girl riding on a guy's back - talking to another girl walking beside them. The walking girl asked the girl riding on the guy's back: "Are you guys having sex tonight?" To which the girl enthusiastically replied back: "We are TOTALLY having sex tonight." God bless those kids.

We made it back to the apartment of one of Megan's friends, and encountered some good quality drama upon our arrival. Some girl was upset with another girl about something, and there were "F" bombs galore, along with a string of "C" bombs for good measure. Ah drunk college girls dropping the "Hard C." Good times.

We all did some shots (yes I did shots with college girls), and then we headed out to a nearby bar. The bar was nothing fancy, but everyone talked, mingled, and drank the evening away. Nothing utterly eventful happened at the bar, but it was all good fun talking to everyone. Eventually we more or less closed down the bar and headed home.

Looking back, aside from the entire evening being fun - I remember 3 things:
1) My wife Megan looked hot.
2) Its too bad we don't get out like that much anymore, but that also probably made the night all the more fun; and
3) Megan's friends thought we were cool because we stayed out late with them.

I thought that was funny. Dude we are so cool you don't even know.
We might even have to go back this year.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent.


Miss a previous episode?  Click HERE to catch up!!


Monday, January 20, 2014

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 101

The Time Mookie Used Busch Light Bottle Cases As Furniture

When I went to college, I lived in the dorms for two years. One of those years, I had a roommate we all called "Philly.*" Even though we essentially had NOTHING in common, Philly and I got along quite well. He was an outdoorsy-hunter-type who was a redneck in every single way - except for the fact that he was a smart-as-hell engineering whiz. Seriously, I was in awe of how smart this kid was. Then there was me:  A Sociology/Criminology major who did enough studying to get by, spent most of his free time with his girlfriend, and worked at Wal-Mart. Even though we were polar opposites in regards to our education and family background, we did share one common thread - we both had a fond affection for beer.

The first weekend we were at school, we both went to the local grocery/liquor store and each picked up a case of Busch Light bottled beer. Back then, Busch Light bottle cases were made out of hard and sturdy cardboard boxes that had lids you could open and close. This was nice because we had a place to not only store the empty ones, but if your fridge was full it was a safe place to keep the full ones. What was also nice was that I found out the boxes doubled as a nice little table. I could be found many nights sitting Indian-style on the floor in front of beer case and doing my homework in front of the TV. Others thought it was hilarious looking but I found it quite comfortable. It was better than the crap chairs we had for our desks there in the room. As time progressed over the coming weeks/months, our "collection" of Busch Light cases grew and grew until we had a full-blown coffee table of beer cases. We set the TV remotes on it, had a variety of magazines fanned out in a display, and of course we set our beers on it with no worries about water rings. It was truly a beautiful thing.
One version of our Busch Light coffee table

Word of our "coffee table" spread through-out the dorm, and we had many people stop by on a regular basis to have a look at it. We'd even notice from time to time that some of the people walking by were residents of other floors in the building, and if our door was open they would slow down as they walked past to have a gander. Apparently having 10 cases of bottles in the middle of your room is something to see.

Eventually the table became comprised of several different brands of bottled beer, and a few people even "contributed" to it. I remember one particular case that was given to us was some NASTY "bock" style beer that still had full bottles in it. I still remember dumping those out at year end and the smell was horrific. The real prize at the end of the year though was going to the store to cash-in the deposit on the bottles.

Needless to say we spent it on another case of beer.


(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent

Have you missed a previous episode of Monday Morning Stories With Mookie?
You should click HERE to see the entire catalog!