Monday, April 15, 2013

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 64

The Time Mookie Went To A Lesbian Wedding

As we all go through our lives, a lot of people come up with a list of things they want to do in life before they die.  In many circles this is commonly known as a “Bucket List.” The idea being that they want to do these things before they “kick the bucket.”  

On the flip-side of that, as someone gets older they might create a list of things they have already done in their life.  I don’t know what you call this list, so for the sake of this story we’ll call it the “Been There-Done That List.” This list hopefully includes most of the things you planned on doing in your life, but odds are good it includes lots of things that you DID NOT expect.  Obviously one would hope that in the end that this list has more good unexpected things than bad ones!

Naturally over the years my own “Been There-Done That” list has grown considerably, and includes its share of good/bad/expected/unexpected things as well.  However I have to admit there is one thing that I don't know if I ever would have predicted in a million years to make the list:
Attending a lesbian wedding. 

Yep. I did.  To take the situation one step further in the “never predicted” scenario:
My spouse served as the “officiant” of the lesbian ceremony.  Yep....shit just got wild.

So how did this situation come about you ask?  Well, a few years back my wife "Megan(*)" became friends with her masseuse "Amy (*)." As the friendship progressed, Amy felt comfortable enough to tell my wife that she was a lesbian.  This news did not really bother my wife because she is cool, and what I would call a "forward-thinking" individual. When my wife told me what Amy had told her, I have to admit it surprised me a little bit, but in the end it did not change what I thought of her at all.  I had already thought she was pretty cool, and if anything it made me think she was "cooler" somehow.  Perhaps it was because she knew who and what she was - and wasn't afraid to say it.  There are tons of straight people who can't even say that.

I have to also admit that I could not resist the rare opportunity this situation created and make "pervo jokes" to my wife about getting rub downs from a lesbian (Bow Chicka Bow Boww).  Based on what I know, in reality -  nothing of the "girl on girl" nature has happened between Amy and my wife, but boy...my subconscious could sure tell you some stories....Heh Heh...

For the record:  When it comes to the whole gay/straight/bi thing, my standing is that "if it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone - go for it."  Whatever floats your boat.  While I understand a large part of the religious and conservative right-wing establishment does not share my thinking on this matter, and in fact view this whole thing as a "sin" - I have to politely disagree.  Its hard enough to be happy in this life without people pressing their ideals on one another.  There are more important things to look down upon than matters such as this.

Anyway.

Not long after this, there arose a point in time where the laws concerning "gay marriage" were changed in my area of the world, and the law no longer stated that marriage was an institution between "a man and a woman" only.  It now included anyone - as long as they were of legal age of course. Naturally this caused an outcry towards our judicial members, a push to get rid of the judges that made the change, and to revert these law back to those saying "marriage" was an institution only between a "man and woman."  In order to beat any attempts by the lawmakers to change the laws back, many gay and lesbian couples ran to their nearest Justice Of The Peace and made their status as a "married" couple valid in the eyes of the law.  One of these couples was the aforementioned Amy, and her partner "Sara(*)."

After getting "legally married," they told everyone that they would be having an "official" wedding ceremony at a later point in time so that they could celebrate and share the joyous occasion with all of their family and friends.

Once Amy and Sara had decided on a wedding date, Amy of course shared the good news with my wife Megan...only...there was a little more to the news than just "getting married."  Amy asked my wife if she would officiate the wedding.  While I think my wife was taken aback at the thought of being a minister for A WEDDING - let alone a lesbian wedding, she of course told Amy "yes" and that she would be quite honored to do so. My response to the news was all over the place.  I have to say it was probably some of the weirdest - but yet - coolest news I had heard in awhile.  MY WIFE IS GOING TO OFFICIATE A LESBIAN WEDDING!!! With REAL lesbians!   AND there will probably be other lesbians at this wedding!!  Lesbians.  Goddamn that's hot!

Yeah, I don't get out much.

In order to do the best job she could, my wife researched the whole marriage ceremony thing (gay and straight), got some ideas on what to say during the ceremony, and then set out to create the best damn wedding for Amy and Sara she could.  I must add that just in case there was any discrepancy along the way about her being the minister for the ceremony, she went out and became an "ordained minister" via the Internet too.  In case you are wondering - yes, its real ... and YES you can too!

The day of the wedding arrived, and I have to admit I had no idea what I was going see. In the end, what I witnessed that night was both really beautiful, and really....pretty normal.  The wedding and reception were held in the same banquet room, as it was not a large affair -  mostly close friends and family attending.  Amy - wearing a traditional white wedding gown - looked absolutely beautiful, while Sara - who wore a tux - likewise also looked beautiful.  I will add that my wife of course looked stunning, but that goes without saying.

I am not going to go into all the details surrounding the ceremony (because its none of your business), but what I will say is this:
 - My wife did an outstanding job officiating the ceremony (and received 101 compliments all night about it).
 - Amy and Sara - even though they were already legally married - both visibly still had "nerves" like most other people that get married - which I thought was neat and cute.

And most importantly
 - It showed that two people can love each other, no matter their race/sexual preference, and that is a beautiful thing in this world.

As with most weddings - after the ceremony was over everyone had a bite to eat, a DJ cranked up the tunes, and everyone in attendance danced the night away.  While I admit I still felt "out of my element" at times as I was knowingly surrounded by predominantly gay/lesbian crowd, but for the most part I have to say it was also "refreshing."  I use this word because it probably best describes how I felt as I stood there stood there with my wife watching everyone have a good time and enjoying themselves - regardless of whatever "labels" society may pin on them.  It just further proved the thought of "Why can't people just let people just be "people"...and leave it at that?"

So yeah, I went to a lesbian wedding.  And yeah, my wife even officiated it.  And yeah we survived.  Contrary to what some religious folks may say, at no time did I see anyone there trying to pass any sort of gay agenda on to anyone, or try to "convert" someone.  Likewise, I didn't feel the need to press my "straight" agenda on them.  It does not work that way.  As Lady Gaga says, they were "born this way."  They are.  Who am I to say they are wrong?  

If two dudes want to be married to each other, I say go for it.  It’s not like 2 gay guys living next door is going to make me gay.  Plus you know they are going to keep their house and yard pristinely decorated and clean.  Win-win there! The same goes for women marrying women.  If that’s what they want to do, I’m totally cool with that.  Plus you can totally guarantee one of them will be cool to hang out with. Its like a fact

And seriously, you are insane if you don't think the idea of two women together - naked - is totally HOT! 
Because IT IS.

I understand that doesn't really help my whole argument at all, but I had to throw that in there because dammit it's true.

(*) -  Names changed to protect the guilty / innocent.

Furthermore: If you are looking to hire someone to officiate your gay/lesbian wedding, hit me up at breathtakingandinappropriate@gmail.com.  I'll see if I can hook you up.




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