Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween!!

If you want to scare the hell out of some people, I suggest finding 3 friends and getting these costumes.
Scariest. Thing. Ever.

Be safe out there.

Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-La, and Po will give you nightmares

BYOB

When you are responsible for bringing your own booze to the Halloween parties this week, please be careful.  Here is an example of responsible alcohol transportation.



Monday, October 29, 2012

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 40

The Time Mookie Tried Out For The Colorado Springs Police Department

Right after I graduated from college, I moved to Colorado Springs to live with my then-fiancĂ©/now-wife "Megan(*)".  At the time I was working for Wal-Mart in Cedar Falls, and they allowed me to “transfer” to another store in the Colorado Springs area so that I had a job when I got there.  I hoped it would be temporary and that I would be able to find a job in my preferred “field” of study, or….you know…something else that paid me some fat coin.  It became apparent very quickly that the latter was not going to happen to the newbie college grad from Iowa.

I had a two-year A.A. degree in Law Enforcement, and a four-year B.A. degree in Criminology, so I was looking for something (anything) in the law enforcement field.  Right from the start, it was obvious that it was going to be slim pickings.  The biggest thing going against me was that most police departments in the area suburbs required a candidate to be “P.O.S.T.” certified before they could even apply.  It was more or less police academy training that YOU paid for, and still did not guarantee that you would be hired as a police officer.  I thought this was bullshit.  In Iowa (at the time) most police departments hired you, and SENT you to the police academy on their dime.  So my law enforcement job searches were usually short due to the P.O.S.T. pre-requisite.  Then one day I saw an ad in the local paper that gave me a glimmer of hope in the pile of rejections I had already accumulated.

The Colorado Springs Police Department (CSPD) advertised that they were hiring, and were having an “open house” in the coming weekend.  It said that possible candidates could come and ask questions, and pick up application materials.  Boo yah.

So I drove down to this thing, and picked up all the handouts they had, and asked the questions I needed to ask.  The best part was that a candidate did NOT have to be P.O.S.T. certified to be a CSPD officer.  I was standing in a group of guys, and one of them asked the police officer in charge of the open house about the P.O.S.T. certification.  The officer said that the P.O.S.T. training was not necessary, and that a candidate would go through the CSPD’s own police academy upon employment.  The face of the guy that asked the question (in addition to others in the group) went BLANK, and they all had a look of “You mean I spent hundreds of dollars for no reason??”  I had to smile at that.

So I went home, filled out my application, put together all the required information (transcripts, ID, etc), and mailed that bad boy in.  A few weeks later, I got a packet from the CSPD containing the details of the testing process, and what I should expect going forward.  The first step in the hiring process was a “written” exam.  I had just gotten out of college so I was not worried about this.  The information stated that the test would be given on a specific date and time at a local hotel conference room in a few weeks.  It also said that I would be notified after the written test if I was chosen to continue on in the process.

Most of the people I worked with at Wal-Mart knew I was trying out for the CSPD, and basically were telling me I had “no chance” of getting in on my first try.  Some alleged “in-the-know” people said they knew people who had tried out 2 or 3 times and never even got close because it was so hard.  Needless to say this fired me up.  I was going to show these f-ers how to do things.

After a few weeks, the day finally arrived and I headed out for the hotel where this test would be held.  As I took the exit off of the interstate, I got excited because I could see the hotel just up the street.  But then, do you know what else I saw?  Cars.  Lots of cars.  Then do you know what I saw?  People.  Tons and tons of people lined up around the hotel waiting to get in.  GDMFSOB.  It became apparent that ALL of these people were here to take the test, and trying out for the CSPD.  I could not believe it.  My first inclination was to say “screw it” and drive right on by, but I knew I would hate myself if I did such a thing.  So I found a parking spot and got into the never-ending line going into the conference hall.

Once I got inside, I had to check-in with my confirmation letter and drivers license.  Then they gave me a testing packet, and told me where to sit in the conference room.  The room was filled with rows and rows of tables, and each test-taker was placed in every other chair.  The “proctor” for the exam addressed everyone and said there was approximately 1,000 people there taking the exam today, and that they were hiring for TEN police officer positions.  So, if you know your math…that is ONE PERCENT of the people here today were going to be chosen to be police officers.  The odds were not looking too good from the get-go, but knew I could do it.  They started the timer and everyone opened their tests and started.

Two hours later it was over.  It wasn’t THAT hard, and was mostly a lot of common sense.  I know common sense doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people, so I figured that would weigh in my favor.  They told us that our scores would be listed at the police academy offices in a week, and we could come by and see how we did.  A week went by and I drove over to the academy, and found the list on a bulletin board in the vestibule.  We had all been assigned an ID number, so you had to know what your number was to figure out which score was yours.  I found mine….94%.  Hell yes.  Based on the other scores listed on the sheet, I did pretty well against everyone else too.  So I figured I’d get a letter in the near future inviting me to the next “phase."

Sure enough, a week or so later I received instructions on the next two phases of testing.  The first was an obstacle course/fitness testing, the second was an interview process they called “oral boards.”  Whoa.

Per the instructions, I showed up at my given time to do the fitness testing over at the police academy.  There were maybe 10-15 of us there to do it, and we all had to wait our turn on the course.  When I got my turn I quickly found out it consisted of running, jumping, climbing stairs, dragging a 170 pound dummy 50 feet, dry firing a pistol 10 times with each hand, and more running.  The entire process was timed – per activity and overall.  I did the best I could and the instructors said I did well when I finished, but I was not able to see how the others before or after me did, so I had no idea how I stacked up. 

A few days later, I arrived at the police station to undergo the “oral boards.”  I had no idea what to expect, as I was completely new to this game.  While I probably looked nice in my shirt and tie, I was a sweaty nervous wreck under it all.  They gave me a sheet of paper that had the instructions for what I was going to do, and it said a panel of officers were going to present to me 5 scenarios and ask questions as to what I would do in those situations.  The instructions had 2 of the questions/scenarios, so we could somewhat prepare what we were going to say and give us an idea of what to expect.  I had 10 minutes to think about these questions before it was my turn.  Finally, they called my name and I entered the room.  There was a table with 5 men sitting behind it looking all official, and in front of the table was one chair.  My first thought was "Oh shit, this is going to suck."

I sat down, and they started by reading about a scenario where I was an off-duty police officer at a football game with a fellow off-duty officer.  The officer got drunk, hit some people, made a huge scene, and then fled before the cops showed up.  “What would you do in this situation?”

Ummm.  Do I do the moral responsible thing here and rat his ass out?  Do I go the “stand by your partner” route to show I look out for my fellow officer?  I chose to rat his ass out, which to me is the right answer because he put others in danger with his actions.  I started talking, and explained what I would do.  I have no idea if what I said made any sense at all, and just hoped I ended at a good place.  The men all scribbled their notes and made NO expression as to whether it was a good answer or not.  They just looked at me and stared holes through me.  MAN.

I honestly do not remember the other questions, but remember they were more of a “how ethical are you” sort of nature.  I know I answered them all, and did so to my best ability.  Finally after what seemed like FOREVER, I was dismissed.  I shook each gentleman’s hand and got out of there.  I left the building, and sat in my car for probably 10 minutes trying to figure out if I did a good job or not.  I had no idea.

A few weeks went by, and I received a letter from the CSPD again.  This one congratulated me on completing the testing for the CSPD, and explained what was next, and who was being called.  It showed I was placed in “Tier 3” out of 5.  Each tier had 20 candidates in it, and it described how they would start hiring out of Tier 1, and if need be would continue through the tiers for the rest of the year if the need was there.  I knew they would probably find their ten hires in the first 20 people, and it would take something big to make it to tier 3.  So while I was bummed that I didn’t get hired, I was proud that I made the top 50-60 out of the 1000 that tried out. For someone as “green” as I was coming out of college, I thought I did pretty good. 

The moral of my story:  I was in the top 60 of 1000 people trying to be a cop.  There were around 900 who didn't even make it through the hiring process.  That either tells me I'm either lucky, or decently smart.  One thing is for certain though, it showed me that is there are a lot of really dumb people trying to be cops.

I should also mention that even today, that experience in front of the “oral board” still ranks in the top 10 of my all-time most uncomfortable situations.  

Number one of course is your Mom and I in the back of a Volkswagen.

(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty/innocent.

Friday, October 26, 2012

IS IT RACIST????

Today's episode of "Is It Racist?" is brought to you by a children's book.  This one doesn't look too good...


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness!!!


As you have noticed, we here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate are CONTINUING to do our part to get the message out about Breast Cancer Awareness.  It is important to check yourself out, and to schedule regular mammograms as necessary.

I thought we would kick it "old school" today and drop some classic dames on you.

Here we have the beautiful Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield in April 1957.  As you can see, Jayne is certainly doing more than her part to make everyone aware of her "features" - whether they want to or not.  It's like a damn tractor beam.....









































Which brings us to the follow up (from the same evening) where Sophia is showing her displeasure of being subjected the Mansfield "twins" all night.



























Ah good times.  Its nice to see that things weren't all that different back then, and the ladies would hussy it up once in awhile.


Yes, I know we are being perverts (and you are welcome), but we are serious.

Get yourself checked out. 

Whoa

There are no words for this one.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness!


As you have noticed, we here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate are doing our part to get the message out about Breast Cancer Awareness.  It is important to check yourself out, and to schedule regular mammograms as necessary.

Here we have the Kansas City Chiefs cheerleaders doing their part to get the message out about breast cancer awareness.  Their pom poms are spectacular.


Yes, I know we are being perverts (you are welcome), but we are serious.

Get yourself checked out.

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 39

The Time Mookie Saw "Carlton Banks"

A few months ago, I was asked to "volunteer" my services at a local charity golf event put on by PGA golfer, Zach Johnson.  The extent of my service was to wear a fancy shirt, and keep people from crossing the rope and going out onto the fairway.  We were advised that in previous years there had been "breaches" in securing the perimeter, so our job was to make sure that didn't happen.  Needless to say, I was prepared to abuse my "authority" and make sure there would be no security breaches on my watch.  Thankfully the crowd was orderly, and just teased me and my fellow security staff about having to stand in the freaking hot sun all day.

After a few hours of standing around, my group was "relieved of our duties" by a 2nd wave of volunteers.  This meant we were free to leave, or we could walk around and enjoy the festivities.  I thought I would at least have a look around, and see who Zach conned into coming into town for the event.  As I was wearing the same fancy tournament shirts and passes as the "celebrities," I was able to get closer than most people could, and go places they couldn't.

Copyright Mookie5150
I eventually made my way over to the driving range where Zach and his PGA cronies (Stewart Cink, Scott Stallings, Ben Crane, Kyle Stanley, Bo Van Pelt, Johnson Wagner, and Taylor Leon-Coutu) were giving a "clinic" to the audience.  As they were all mouthing off at each other and being funny, a golf cart pulls up right next me and two dudes got out.  One of the guys looked reeeally familiar.  He was a shorter black guy with a goatee.  Then it hit me who it was.  I turned to the guy standing next to me, and at the same time he looked at me and we both went "Is that Carlton?"

Indeed. It was.

The Carlton

Of course when I say "Carlton," I am referring to the character Carlton Banks on the TV show "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" starring Will Smith.  You know who I'm talking about.  The guy that adored the singer Tom Jones and essentially created his own dance called "The Carlton" when he danced to the song "Its Not Unusual."










Alfonso and some Jackson guy
In case you don't know, his real name is Alfonso Ribeiro.  He has been around forever, and been on shows like "Silver Spoons," and recently hosted a game show on GSN.  I always remember him as the kid in the Michael Jackson-Pepsi commercial in the 1980's.  Sadly though, he will be FOREVER known as "Carlton."

Anyway.  As he is standing there watching Zach introduce all his friends in attendance, it slowly became apparent to the audience that Carlton is standing off to the side.  At this point Zach had not acknowledged him yet, so it was funny to watch the reaction of people as word was whispered across the audience, and people were all turning and pointing in his direction.

It was then that Zach started taking questions from the crowd.  After a few random golf-related questions, someone asked "Can you do the Carlton Dance for us?"

Zach then said, "Well, I won't but maybe Alfonso might."  The crowd laughed and looked towards Alfonso.  Zach introduced him, said some nice things about him and his soon-to-be wife, and how he came to meet him through the various events they have crossed paths at.  He gave the microphone to Alfonso who said a few nice words about Zach, and that he was happy to come help out his charity that day.

Then he said he would do "The Carlton" just once, and that would be it.  EVERY camera in the place went up to capture the moment, and do you know what he did?  He proceeded to do a VERY HALF-ASSED four-second version of "The Carlton."  It was very disappointing.

The crowd laughed and cheered for him, and that was it.  He walked back over to where he was originally standing in front of me, and Zach continued his Q&A with the crowd.  While Alfonso was walking back towards me, I did manage to pop off a pic or two of him.  He gave me a "whats up" nod of the head after I took it, so that was cool.

Copyright Mookie5150




























In hindsight he was probably thinking "F You."  Yeah, well F you too Carlton.

While on some level he probably appreciates being known for a character that everyone loved.  But then again - I can totally see him getting sick of having to do the whole "Carlton" shtick every where he goes and probably being asked to dance 100 times a day.  There is no way that guy could make it through and airport without being accosted and being asked to dance, or being asked if in real life he nailed his older sister on the show (she was HOT).  I would bet there are periods of his life where goes to bed at night cursing people and saying "I wish everyone would stop asking me to do this shit.  My name is Alfonso!  Not Carlton!  WHY DOESN'T WILL SMITH RETURN MY PHONE CALLS???"

Keep your head up Alfonso.  Will Smith didn't have the style you do.  You da man.



Miss a previous episode of
MONDAY MORNING STORIES WITH MOOKIE?

Click HERE.

Carlton would want you to.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Have You Seen...

Remember the lovable "monster" character books from Mercer Mayer?  Do you remember this one?  It provided me with a lifetime of good advice.


Monday, October 15, 2012

Balls of Steel

There are no words for this fellow's achievement.  Just...Wow.


Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 38

The Time Mookie Saw A Girl Do Karaoke At A Wedding

One particular summer, "Megan(*)" and I were invited to four weddings.  The only thing is, they weren't spread out through the whole summer.  We had to attend a wedding every Saturday for FOUR WEEKS IN A ROW  That is a lot of weddings.  Needless to say though, the situation had the signs of being an overall good time, so we buckled up and went for the ride.

Of the planned Four-Wedding Tour, wedding # 3 took us out of state and promised to be a great time.  Our friends "Jack"(*) and "Diane" (*)  were getting married in the Twin Cities, and we hadn't seen them or the potential party-goers in a long time.  Due to the constraints of life, we were unable to make the actual wedding in the early afternoon, but we were definitely going to make the reception that night.


We set off that afternoon, and in true "Mookie and Megan" fashion, we broke the speed limit all the way there across Iowa and Minnesota.  Once we hit the Cities, we checked into our hotel, met up with friends "Rick"(*) and "Pam"(*), and headed off to the reception.


The reception was easily the most classiest wedding reception I have ever been to.  They had assigned seating, and a Greek buffet menu that was utterly delightful.  We eventually were able to meet with people we hadn't seen in a long time, like Jack's two brothers "Aaron"(*) and "George"(*), and some of Rick's co-workers that I had previously met.  Eventually we were able to finally chat with the glowing bride and groom, and give them our well-wishes.  Shortly thereafter, we were all seated for dinner and it was wonderful.  Dinner was followed by the usual family "speeches" from the Best Man, the Groom, The Bride, and the Bride's Father.  It was all very nice.  


As dinner ended, the catering staff began to clear the dance floor of tables while a DJ set up his equipment at the edge of the dance floor.  They started the dance with the couple's "first dance," and the "father-daughter dance."  Then the DJ really started the dance, and he meant business.  Other than the pre-requisite "slow songs," he cranked out the jams much to every one's delight.  This party was hopping.


I must mention a few notable things that happened during the evening:


Megan met a young gentleman carrying a backpack that he was very protective of.  She eventually got him to confess to the fact that he was carrying a certain "controlled substance."  The story is notable because he mentioned that he had once made this substance available to Tiffani-Amber Thiessen.  It goes without saying we love Tiffani.


I also was able to "make good" on a threat I had previously made - that being -  to dance with the Groom's Mom to the song "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child.  The song came on and Jack's Mom - unprompted -  came to the dance floor and began to dance with me.  A circle of people gathered around us while we were shaking our stuff.  It was awesome.


Then, THIS happened -



Part way through the evening, the DJ came on the microphone and announced that a certain woman was going to be singing a song.  It was an interesting announcement, as it wasn't apparent that karaoke was an available entertainment option this evening.  Now, because everyone was intrigued by the announcement, this girl inadvertently had the collective attention of the ENTIRE reception.  Whoops.

As the young lady took her place next to the DJ stand and was handed the microphone, my first thought was "What if she re-creates the whole “Love Stinks” moment from “The Wedding Singer?”  

Without music or accompaniment, she began singing the following words:


We walked the loneliest mile
We smile without any style
We kiss altogether wrong
No intention

We lied about each other’s drinks
We lived without each other thinking
What anyone would do
Without me and you

It's like I told you
Only the lonely can play

Yes, she was singing the hauntingly beautiful, but yet, unquestionably inappropriate classic by 1980's group The Motels, "Only The Lonely."  Everyone stood and stared at this poor girl as she belted out the awkwardly chosen song.  As the woman sang, everyone sat or stood in awe of what was going on.  Oblivious to the crowd's confusion, she continued:

So hold on here we go
Hold on to nothing we know
I feel so lonely
Way up here

You mention the time we were together
So long ago, well I don't remember
All I know 
Is that it makes me feel good now

It's like I told you
Only the lonely can play
Only the lonely
Only the lonely can play

As she finished the reception crowd gave her a nice round of applause, along with exchanged glances that said "What the hell was that?"  Somewhere in the world, Martha Davis, the lead singer of The Motels was shuddering as her song was so inappropriately used.  Jack and Diane awkwardly applauded the girl's performance, but deep down we knew Diane probably had thrown up in her mouth.  

While her "performance" itself was OK, no one could figure out why this girl did this - especially since the song had no relevance to the couple, nor any business being performed at a wedding.  We learned a few years later in a discussion with Jack and Diane that this girl (who was a friend of the couple) had apparently sang this song in some high school performance to rave reviews.  This girl and her friends were reportedly knee-deep in the wine, and they dared her to sing this song.  Obviously, she must have wanted to prove she "still had it," so she threw caution to the wind and made the arrangements to perform to song.

Needless to say, this little "performance" brought the party DOWN.  I will state here and now that the DJ definitely earned his salary that night because - somehow -  he miraculously brought the party back.  Within a song or two, the dance floor was jumping again and the effects of the girl's performance were forgotten.

Eventually the reception ended, and everyone went home smiling at the great time they had that night. However, I would bet my last dollar that every single person turned to a fellow party-goer on the way home and uttered the words: 
"What was the deal with that chick singing that song?"

So, if there is a moral to be had by my little story, it is this:

If you are having a reception of some kind, make sure to tell the DJ that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to sing anything.  Unless of course if they want to sing "Love Stinks" like in the movie "The Wedding Singer."  

Because that would be awesome.


(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty / innocent.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Have You Ever?

Have you ever taken something with you when you go to the bathroom to read or play with?  You know, like a book/magazine, smartphone, iPad, or a hand-held game?  You know you have.

Have you ever sat there so long - because you were so engrossed in whatever it was you brought into the bathroom - that your legs were numb when you got up?  I bet you have.

Have you ever sat there so long that you had to pee a second time?  I bet you have.

It's OK.  I have too.

God Bless America

It makes me proud to know I live in a country where I can eat WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want, WHERE EVER I want.  If someone wants to eat a BRICK of cheese while they sit in their wheelchair....THEY CAN!!!

I'm proud to see she (?) has a box of Cheez-Its and a bottle of soda to wash that cheese down.

'MERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia IS BACK!

The season premier of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" on FX is BACK tonight.  GAWD I love this show.  Dennis, Sweet Dee, Mac, Charlie, and Frank are the most shallowest characters on TV, and make the "Seinfeld" crew look like saints.  In other words - they are awesome.  Make sure you check it out.

Bad Times on The Island of Sodor

It looks as though Sir Topham Hatt is not immune to the world's economic troubles. If I was a betting man, I'd say Sir Topham Hatt has defaulted on his bank loan, and the repo guys are taking Thomas The Tank Engine as collateral.

Let that be a lesson to you kids.  The debt-collectors and repo-men will find you ANYWHERE.
Even in the magical land of Sodor.

I'd also guess that James probably had something to do with it. He was always f--king stuff up.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness!!


As you have noticed, we here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate are doing our part to get the message out about Breast Cancer Awareness.  It is important to check yourself out, and to schedule regular mammograms as necessary.

This gal here is supporting the cause by doing some rock climbing.  I'm not sure how this helps fight breast cancer, but she is doing a wonderful job.







































Yes, I know we are being perverts (you are welcome), but we are serious.

Get yourself checked out.

The Wind Didn't Stand A Chance That Day

Could they BE wearing any more windbreakers?


Monday, October 08, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness!!

As you have noticed, we here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate are doing our part to get the message out about Breast Cancer Awareness.  It is important to check yourself out, and to schedule regular mammograms as necessary.

This Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader is helping the cause by showing lots of spirit.

It goes without saying that she has fabulous spirit.







































Yes, I know we are being perverts (you are welcome), but we are serious.

Get yourself checked out.

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 37

The Time Mookie Met Someone From "America's Most Wanted"

You could not make this story up.

One day I entered my "Statistics For Social Research" class, and found the professor setting up a TV/VCR unit.  After the class got settled, the professor - Dr. Cynthia Jakob-Chien (real name) - told us that she had a "surprise" for us that day.

She then turned on the TV/VCR, and began showing a segment from the TV show: "America's Most Wanted."  The host - John Walsh - introduced the segment and began talking about a bad guy named "Terry"(*).  The narrator took it from there, and described Terry as being from inner-city Chicago, and how his path in life was less-than-desirable.  Terry was a possible suspect in a few murders, drug dealings, and all sorts of other gang-related activities.

Needless to say, Terry was a bad ass mo-fo.

They also re-enacted one particular crime (with actors) where Terry was suspected of committing some major wrong-doing.  Then John Walsh's voice comes back saying that if anyone has any information about the whereabouts of Terry, to call the number on the screen or call local law enforcement.  As he is saying this, they are showing multiple pictures and mugshots of the real-life Terry.  John Walsh follows this up by saying "do not try to apprehend Terry yourself as he may be armed, and is a very dangerous individual."

No problem there John Wash.

When the story was over, Dr. Jakob-Chien turned off the VCR and asked us what we thought about the little program.  No one really said anything as her point of showing us this segment wasn't apparent.  She then walked to the door, opened it, and said:
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, Terry."

In walks this BIG black dude who just happens to be the SAME DUDE we just saw in mugshots and pictures on TV.  Ho. Lee. Shit.

This wasn't the actor that played Terry on TV.
No, no.
This was the real Terry.  The bad ass mo-fo Terry.

After the initial shock of this guy being in the room wore off, Dr. J.C and Terry begin describing how Terry had turned his life around, and instead of being a crime statistic, he was now studying crime statistics in the "graduate" program.  Dr. J.C.stated he was doing quite well, and that he was a very good student.  He then allowed the class to ask questions about his "prior life" and things of that nature.  One of my favorite questions that someone asked was if he was "wanted" by any of his former gang colleagues for being a narc or anything. - In other words - were WE in any danger by being in the same room as this guy.  He said he didn't think so, and that most of the people he used to run with were probably jailed for other reasons or were dead.  Oh okay.  That's nice.

Then someone asked if he had "served time" for his crimes, and he said he did serve time for the crime that was re-enacted on America's Most Wanted.  I should state that he failed to mention whether or not he had actually killed anyone.  Nobody had the guts to ask him either.

Class ended, and everyone was able to leave the room unharmed, albeit very weirded out.  I graduated in the spring and thankfully never ran into Terry from America's Most Wanted again.

Oddly however, this story does not end here.

A few years later, I was reading the paper and I saw this news clipping that added a VERY weird and unfortunate twist to the story:




Cynthia Jakob-Chien's mugshot
THAT'S RIGHT!!!!  My professor----the SAME professor that hung out with the bad ass mo-fo from America's Most Wanted---MURDERED her husband!!    I told you the story got weird.

In doing research for my little blog here, it looks like she is still doing criminology work and appears to have recently had a book published with another person.  I'm guessing she's probably out on parole, but maybe she's doing her work on "the inside."

Either way, I'm glad to see she is following in Terry's footsteps by not only being a crime statistic, but also continuing to study them.

Man, W. T. F.

(*) Name changed to protect the guilty/innocent.  In this case however..... the characters were totally guilty.






Friday, October 05, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness!

As you have noticed, we here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate are doing our part to get the message out about Breast Cancer Awareness.  It is important to check yourself out, and to schedule regular mammograms as necessary.

When you are done, celebrate and treat yourself to some donuts like this lady here.  If you look long enough, you should see the donuts.  Those are some good looking donuts.


Yes, I know we are being perverts (you are welcome), but we are serious.

Get yourself checked out.

Is It Racist???

Today's episode of "Is It Racist" involves a screen-cap from some TV News Show.

I'm sure someone thinks this is racist.  I just think it's delicious.


Thursday, October 04, 2012

Get Ready For Some Tears...This One Is Gold

I read this letter and I found myself crying with laughter.  To the troll that did this....Bravo.


Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

The team here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate wants to do our part to help remind you and others that it is important to get yourself checked out and make sure your breasts are in tip-top shape.

Lots of people are getting the word out.  Right here we have Giada de Laurentiis from the Food Network who is giving us two GREAT reasons to get yourself checked out.

Yes, I know we are being perverts (you are welcome), but we are serious.

Get yourself checked out.

Do You Know What I Like??

Adam Greenberg.

Back on July 9th, 2005, Adam Greenberg made his Major League Baseball debut as a pinch hitter for the Chicago Cubs.  They were playing the Florida Marlins, and he found himself facing Marlin pitcher Valerio de los Santos.

The very 1st pitch Greenberg faced was a 92-mile-an-hour fastball that unfortunately came in a little too high and tight.  The ball hit Greenberg on the side of the head, and gave him a concussion that removed him from the game and derailed his baseball career.

In the years that have followed, Greenberg has dealt with post-concussion syndrome, vision problems, and constant headaches. After two years of getting healthy, he started working his way back into the game.  Over the last 5 years he has found himself on a list of minor and independent leagues to numerous to mention, and even in the World Baseball Classic playing for Isreal.  Throughout the entire 7 years since that fateful day in July 2005, he has not given up on his dream to major league ball.  Apparently someone out there recognized Greenberg's determination and decided to give him a little help.

An online petition called "One At Bat" was started earlier this summer where the aim was to give Greenberg one more shot at the plate in a major league game.  The Marlins took notice of the petition and wanted to help.  The Marlins offered Greenberg a "one-day" contract to help make his dream come true.

Last night during the 6th inning of the Mets-Marlns match up, Greenberg got his chance.  The crowd went to its feet and gave Greenberg a cheer to recognize his determination and attitude.  It wasn't going to be a cake-walk though.  He was facing the Mets 20-Win hurler - D.A. Dickey.

Its pretty neat to watch.  Click on the video below to check it out.



While you might be thinking it was a bummer he didn't get the big dream hit, you have to applaud him for never giving up and finally getting another chance  Here's to him, and the hope that another major league team will offer him a contract next year.  Nice job.

Whassup Bitches???

I love this.  How much would you totally wet your pants if this happened???


Monday, October 01, 2012

Breast Cancer Awareness and Octoberfest!!

The staff here at Breathtaking and Inappropriate would like to celebrate a few things during the month of October.

1.  It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Ladies, get your "girls" checked out.  Its important.  Do it for yourself.  Do it because of everyone who loves you.  Do it because your boobs make the world a more beautiful place.  Trust me. They do.

2.  Since it's October, that means it is OCTOBERFEST.  We certainly do not need a reason to drink beer, but if society is going to give us one....I'm on board.

To celebrate, I wanted to post a pic celebrating breasts and beer.  I think this will suffice...







As a public service announcement, we will "celebrate" Breast Cancer Awareness several times through-out the month, as a reminder to tell your lady-friends to make sure they get their mammograms, and check themselves on a regular basis.

You are welcome.

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 36

The Time Mookie Visited The Resident Hall Coordinator

During my senior year of college I had a had a whole dorm room to myself.  While "dorm living" definitely has its downsides, there are some positives if you look hard enough.
  • You don't have to worry about monthly rent/utilities 
  • Your breakfast/lunch/dinner is a short walk away in the cafeteria 
  • You don't have to clean the bathroom.
The classy multi-sink/shower/toilet dorm bathroom.
Then there is that list of negatives of living in the dorms that is never ending.  The biggest negative of course is that.....YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE RULES.

The fact I had my own room to myself definitely made the "negatives" not seem as bad as they were, but that whole "rules" thing liked to get up in my business from time to time.  This story is about one of those times.

Several of my friends and neighbors had "lady friends" that resided in the female dorm across the quad, and one particular night my neighbor invited me to go over there with them.  I was studying, and wearing my best "pajama pants," t-shirt, and sandals, so I said "sure why not."

We go over there and even before the door opens, you can hear these chicks being stupid and loud.  The door opens and the lot of them are inebriated, and as luck would have it - all of them are under 21.  I wasn't up for the "stupid and loud" shenanigans they were involved in and should have turned around and went home,  but I begrudgingly stayed.    There were probably 5 of us guys, and because two of us were over 21, they immediately they start lobbying us to go buy them alcohol.  1.  No.  2.  My car is in B.F.E....so No.  And 3. No.

It was after 10pm and "quiet hours" were definitely in effect by this point, so these broads were just asking for trouble being as loud as they were.  Then they told us that they had already been warned by the R.A. on duty about their loudness prior to our arrival, so yeah... great.  You can guess what happened next....less than ten minutes goes by and there is a "knock-knock-knock" noise on the door.

A hush went over the room and one of the chicks opened the door.  Standing outside were a pair of Public Safety officers.  Great!  The campus police are here. Wonderful.

They enter the room, quickly surmise that a number of people are under the influence of adult beverages, and begin to interrogate everyone.  They immediately start accusing everyone of underage drinking, and say they are going "write up" everyone who is not of legal age.  They demand that everyone should get out some sort of identification, and are trying to be all authoritative.  One of them gets to me and says "Let's see your ID."  I'm like "I don't have it."  Again he demands to see my ID.  I say "Look at me!  I'm wearing pajama pants."  This just frustrates the officer to no end, and he demands that I tell him my name and age, or I'm "going to be sorry."  So I tell him my name and say I am 21.  "Of course you are." He says in a mocking tone.  I tell him that I don't appreciate his attitude, and that I am 21, and I have done nothing wrong here.  I tell him that he is more than welcome to go back to my dorm with me and see my ID there.  He looks me over, and says "uhh huhh."  He asks for my address, so I tell him where I live on campus.  As it is apparent most of us guys are from the same dorm (and had no ID), he tells us that they will be reporting the incident to the University.  "Great." I thought..  Hopefully they will see I'm 21, and leave me alone.

After they had collected everyone's names/addresses, they broke up the party and sent us home.  It was a stupid thing, and figured I'd never hear anything further about it.  However...

A few days later I get a call from some chick identifying herself as the "Hageman Hall Resident Coordinator."  Uhh ok.  She says she would like to speak with me and discuss the "incident" that occurred during a recent evening in her hall.  I politely asked if we could just discuss it over the phone, as I seriously didn't do anything wrong.  She then flatly and sternly said "I need to meet with you tomorrow regarding this incident.  Is 8:30AM Ok?"  "I guess." I said with a puzzled tone.  She said "Thank you.  Please come to my office in the main lobby of Hageman at that time."  Ok.  Awesome.

So I roll out of bed at 8:25AM, and make my way over to the Hageman Hall Resident Coordinator's office for our "meeting."  This means I was dressed in gym shorts, a sweatshirt, a hat, and I did NOT brush my teeth.  I arrive at 8:30 on the nose, and she thanks me for coming.  We sit down, and she begins explaining that she understands that I am 21 years of age, and allowed to have/consume alcohol, so "legally" I did nothing wrong in that aspect.  I smile and nod agreeingly.  She then continues and states that I made a "poor decision" by placing myself in that situation.  When I asked "how so?" She tells me that by simply being present at this gathering, I "could have" been held responsible for the alcohol that was consumed by those under the legal age.

I tell her I see what point she is trying to make, but asked if she understood the facts of the entire situation.  She then asked for my "side" of the story, so I stated the facts:
     -I was in my room studying/watching TV (not drinking) when I was invited to the room.
     -I did not know they were drinking prior to arrival.
     -They were already drunk when I got there.
     - They were out of alcohol prior to my arrival, so I never even saw them consume alcohol.
     -They were out of alcohol and even asked me if I would buy them some, and I told them "no."
     -Public Safety showed up because the girls were loud and were previously warned by the RA.

I told her that if I was going to be "responsible" for anything, it was for not buying them more alcohol like they wanted me to.  I said I didn't know where they got the original "stash," and I'm sure I would have numerous witnesses that will state I had nothing to do with providing it to them.  Then I said, "Therefore, I cannot be held responsible for their actions prior to my arrival at the room, and did nothing to contribute to their delinquency while I was there."

She immediately sees my point, but is still trying to make me feel bad for whatever happened.  She gives me the "choices I make can greatly affect my life in the future" speech, and I annoyingly sit through it so she can say she gave me some much needed advisement.  "Obviously you recognized the issue in the situation, and yet you still placed yourself in the situation....."  Phhfff.

We cordially concluded the meeting, and I went back to my room and went back to bed.

A few weeks later I stopped at my mailbox to get my mail, and found a letter from the "Hageman Hall Resident Coordinator."  "This ought to be good."  I opened it, and this is what I found:


The real letter.  Names and dates are partially obscured 







































Do you like that?  First of all, nice typos.  Secondly, right off the top she says I was drinking when I told her I wasn't (possibly another typo).  And thirdly, did you just seriously write this nonsense?  She never told me "what" policies I may have violated in terms of Residence, University or State.  If there was a crime here, it was that the gathering was lame, and the grammar and substance of this letter is horrible.

Needless to say, I did not hear another word of this issue again and I graduated in the spring with no further repercussions.

In reading this letter now, I have to say that the personal highlight for me is the sentence that reads:
 "During our discussion, my impression was that you do not feel this incident was important or significant."

After reading that now, it makes me feel good that the meeting was not a total waste of time as I had previously thought.  The whole time she was giving me the riot act, I had concern that she was not hearing my point of view.  As it turns out, my point of view came across loud and clear.

That's good, because I hate it when people don't realize I don't give a shit.


UNI FOOTBALL RULES!!

(Names altered to protect the guilty/innocent)

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