One particular summer, "Megan(*)" and I were invited to four weddings. The only thing is, they weren't spread out through the whole summer. We had to attend a wedding every Saturday for FOUR WEEKS IN A ROW That is a lot of weddings. Needless to say though, the situation had the signs of being an overall good time, so we buckled up and went for the ride.
Of the planned Four-Wedding Tour, wedding # 3 took us out of state and promised to be a great time. Our friends "Jack"(*) and "Diane" (*) were getting married in the Twin Cities, and we hadn't seen them or the potential party-goers in a long time. Due to the constraints of life, we were unable to make the actual wedding in the early afternoon, but we were definitely going to make the reception that night.
We set off that afternoon, and in true "Mookie and Megan" fashion, we broke the speed limit all the way there across Iowa and Minnesota. Once we hit the Cities, we checked into our hotel, met up with friends "Rick"(*) and "Pam"(*), and headed off to the reception.
The reception was easily the most classiest wedding reception I have ever been to. They had assigned seating, and a Greek buffet menu that was utterly delightful. We eventually were able to meet with people we hadn't seen in a long time, like Jack's two brothers "Aaron"(*) and "George"(*), and some of Rick's co-workers that I had previously met. Eventually we were able to finally chat with the glowing bride and groom, and give them our well-wishes. Shortly thereafter, we were all seated for dinner and it was wonderful. Dinner was followed by the usual family "speeches" from the Best Man, the Groom, The Bride, and the Bride's Father. It was all very nice.
As dinner ended, the catering staff began to clear the dance floor of tables while a DJ set up his equipment at the edge of the dance floor. They started the dance with the couple's "first dance," and the "father-daughter dance." Then the DJ really started the dance, and he meant business. Other than the pre-requisite "slow songs," he cranked out the jams much to every one's delight. This party was hopping.
I must mention a few notable things that happened during the evening:
Megan met a young gentleman carrying a backpack that he was very protective of. She eventually got him to confess to the fact that he was carrying a certain "controlled substance." The story is notable because he mentioned that he had once made this substance available to Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. It goes without saying we love Tiffani.
I also was able to "make good" on a threat I had previously made - that being - to dance with the Groom's Mom to the song "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child. The song came on and Jack's Mom - unprompted - came to the dance floor and began to dance with me. A circle of people gathered around us while we were shaking our stuff. It was awesome.
Then, THIS happened -
Part way through the evening, the DJ came on the microphone and announced that a certain woman was going to be singing a song. It was an interesting announcement, as it wasn't apparent that karaoke was an available entertainment option this evening. Now, because everyone was intrigued by the announcement, this girl inadvertently had the collective attention of the ENTIRE reception. Whoops.
As the young lady took her place next to the DJ stand and was handed the microphone, my first thought was "What if she re-creates the whole “Love Stinks” moment from “The Wedding Singer?”
Without music or accompaniment, she began singing the following words:
We walked the loneliest mile
We smile without any style
We kiss altogether wrong
No intention
We lied about each other’s drinks
We lived without each other thinking
What anyone would do
Without me and you
It's like I told you
Only the lonely can play
Yes, she was singing the hauntingly beautiful, but yet, unquestionably inappropriate classic by 1980's group The Motels, "Only The Lonely." Everyone stood and stared at this poor girl as she belted out the awkwardly chosen song. As the woman sang, everyone sat or stood in awe of what was going on. Oblivious to the crowd's confusion, she continued:
So hold on here we go
Hold on to nothing we know
I feel so lonely
Way up here
You mention the time we were together
So long ago, well I don't remember
All I know
Is that it makes me feel good now
It's like I told you
Only the lonely can play
Only the lonely
Only the lonely can play
As she finished the reception crowd gave her a nice round of applause, along with exchanged glances that said "What the hell was that?" Somewhere in the world, Martha Davis, the lead singer of The Motels was shuddering as her song was so inappropriately used. Jack and Diane awkwardly applauded the girl's performance, but deep down we knew Diane probably had thrown up in her mouth.
While her "performance" itself was OK, no one could figure out why this girl did this - especially since the song had no relevance to the couple, nor any business being performed at a wedding. We learned a few years later in a discussion with Jack and Diane that this girl (who was a friend of the couple) had apparently sang this song in some high school performance to rave reviews. This girl and her friends were reportedly knee-deep in the wine, and they dared her to sing this song. Obviously, she must have wanted to prove she "still had it," so she threw caution to the wind and made the arrangements to perform to song.
Needless to say, this little "performance" brought the party DOWN. I will state here and now that the DJ definitely earned his salary that night because - somehow - he miraculously brought the party back. Within a song or two, the dance floor was jumping again and the effects of the girl's performance were forgotten.
Eventually the reception ended, and everyone went home smiling at the great time they had that night. However, I would bet my last dollar that every single person turned to a fellow party-goer on the way home and uttered the words:
"What was the deal with that chick singing that song?"
So, if there is a moral to be had by my little story, it is this:
If you are having a reception of some kind, make sure to tell the DJ that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to sing anything. Unless of course if they want to sing "Love Stinks" like in the movie "The Wedding Singer."
Because that would be awesome.
(*) - Names changed to protect the guilty / innocent.
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