Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 14


The Time Mookie Took A Beer To His Last College Final

When I started my senior year of college, if I had not been a “senior” I probably would have dropped out.  I swear to God.  I was so sick of school by that point I couldn’t see straight.  As is the case with most college students - I wasn’t sure my “major” was what I wanted to do “when I grew up.” However, since I was so far along in the process at this point and spent too much of my (and my parents) money to throw in the towel - I begrudgingly pressed on for two more semesters.

To my credit, I went to almost all of my classes, and somehow I passed them all.  There was that “D-“ I got in “Introduction to Weather” though, and that really hurt me.  Don’t ask me to identify clouds because I couldn’t tell you the difference between a Cirrus, Cumulonimbus, or Stratus cloud.  I can tell you if it looks like rain, but that’s about it.  I’m a big help. 

I could have used a heavy dose of Adderall for that class because I could not stay interested.  But in my defense the guy was boring as shit, and had the personality of a sandwich bag.  ANYWAY.

After a long painful year, I finally reached my last week of my college and was ready for Finals. Upon review of the “finals calendar” I saw that my “Social Problems” course was the LAST final of my undergraduate degree.  The only real problem was that it was at 8:00AM.   I was pulling a solid C+ in the class at the time and wasn’t too worried about the final exam, so I knew I HAD to do what I always joked I would do: 
Take a beer to my last college final.

It seemed appropriate given the amount of beer I’d consumed in the previous two years.  Plus the irony of my public drinking and a class called “Social Problems” was too much to resist.  And I just didn’t care.  

So the alarm went off about 7:40, and I got up and took care of my personal morning essentials.  Then I got dressed, went to my mini-fridge and retrieved 2 cans of ice-cold Busch Light, grabbed my 20 oz insulated mug I had obtained from the Hardee’s restaurant in the Student Union, and filled it up.  I drank the remaining 4 oz before I walked out the door in celebratory triumph, and departed for my test across campus.

Upon my arrival at the last final, I found a seat in the middle of the room and set my camouflaged beer right on my desk.  I sat and took blissful celebratory sips from it until the professor arrived and we got down to business.  The test began and as I worked I would pause every 5 questions or so, and enjoy a pleasurable taste of my victory beer.  Man it was good.

I buzzed through the test pretty easily, and finished my beer as I turned in my final.  Mission complete.

Prologue:  Upon my return to the dormitory, I celebrated with a  fellow “senior” over our college completion.  Then I did what any college student does at the end of a semester:  I gathered up all my books I didn’t want any more, took them to the student book store and sold them back for a quarter of the price in which I purchased them.  

Then I bought more beer.


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