Thursday, December 29, 2011

It Puts The Lotion In The Basket

Saw this  - loved it - and had to re-post it.  My demented side loves me some Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

Yeah, I'm probably going to Hell for posting this one, but I'm sure I'll have ample company.
Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 23, 2011

The "Little Drummer Boy" Is The Worst Song Ever.

I'm going to share something that my family and a few close friends know:  I HATE the Christmas song "Little Drummer Boy."  Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.  Of all the terrible Christmas songs out there - and there are many (I'm looking right at you "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer) -  "Little Drummer Boy" is by far the worst one ever made.

Now you are probably thinking to yourself, "Mookie, how can you hate such a wonderful song?  It is beautiful and carries the joyous story of Jesus' birth."

My reply is:  This song sucks, and is the most annoying thing ever.  I shall explain my reasoning.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Monday, December 19, 2011

Is it Racist?

Today we are playing "Is it Racist?"
This could possibly be the best holiday card this season. 
Thank you Johnson Family.  May your incarceration be shorter than your love.


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

This Will Be My Wife After This Week

My wife has finals this week, and is burning the midnight oil to get stuff done.  This pretty much says it all....

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

RIP Harry Morgan

Sitting here tonight, and my wife was rolling thru Twitter updates when she says "Who's Harry Morgan?"  I was like "I don't know."  Then she said, "Well, this says he died."  She pulled him up and we both went "OHHH!  Colonel Potter from M.A.S.H!" 

The guy was 96.  Incredible.  I grew up watching M.A.S.H night after night at dinner time at my Dad's insistence.  We'd say "Dad, we've seen this one 100 times." He'd come back with this "Mmmm I don't think we have."  Secretly I loved that show. 


Sherman T. Potter was a badass.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Ron Swanson Rules

If you are not watching Parks & Recreation on NBC, you need to check it out.  It is similar to "The Office" in that it is filmed as faux documentary, however it is totally different.  One of the main characters is a man named Ron Swanson.  Ron is a "Man's man."  He is twice divorced (both women are named Tammy, as is his mother), and is quite jaded about everything in life.  He lives by a code only he understands and is immensely hilarious. 

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

As I write this, I am sitting next to my 9 year year old son on a big LP tank on my Dad's farm. This is the same tank I used to play on as a child when my grandparents lived here.  Life is funny.

Thankful for many things today.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Little Fingers Create Chaos

Back in April I won an iPad, and my family has gradually taken it over. Its pretty much the go-to item for games and video.  My youngest son is 4 years old, and he has became quite efficient with it.  However...again he is 4..... and from time to time he has wandering fingers that go where they shouldn't.

Monday, July 18, 2011

ARE YOU GOING TO DALLAS??

A newlywed couple boards an airplane bound for Dallas, TX to embark on their honeymoon. The couple is seated in the middle section of the plane, and shortly after take off the wife decides she wants to get a little frisky. She wants to join the "mile-high club" if you get my drift.

They somehow "disrobe" from the waist down, cover their laps with blanket, and the woman discreetly situates herself on top of her husband's lap.  They start getting it on, and the woman is moving around a bit but trying to not be obvious about their activity.  That's when she gets a great idea about what to do, and she leans over to her right towards the nearest passenger.

She asks "Are you going to Dallas?"

The passenger looks at her and nods to the affirmative.

As she settles back onto her husband's lap, she utters,

"Oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

She then leans over to her left towards the nearest passenger that way.

She asks "Are you going to Dallas?"

The passenger looks at her oddly and says "Yes."

Again, as she settles back onto her husband's lap, she utters,

"Oooooooohhhhhhhh!"

All of a sudden she starts hopping up and down on her husband's lap and yelling:

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DALLAS!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DALLAS!!"

Saturday, July 09, 2011

This Is How To Shoot Off Illegal Fireworks

When you come to fireworks show at my house, this is what I want.  Sadly I only get sparklers, snakes, and some bottle rockets.  These homies have some Grade-A stuff, but just don't pay any mind to the obvious presence of cars and houses in the immeditae vicinity.  It's all good in da hood though.

Warning: Language.

Matthew Anderson? A Distinguished Professional?

I got the following email the other day.  Just as fast as my self-esteem rose to the ceiling, it came down with a crashing thud after consulting with Google to see if this was legit.  It SO wasn't.  This is what I got:

Friday, June 24, 2011

What Am I Doing? What Are You Doing? WTF Am I?

I wrote this while sitting in an airport waiting out a 5 hour plane delay a few weeks back.  I just remembered I had it. It's amusing and confusing.  Enjoy.

06/13/2011 9:00AM - As I write this, I am sitting in the Memphis Int'l Airport waiting for my connection to Baltimore.  The F'ers delayed the flight by like 4 or 5 hours for a reason I don’t even know yet.  So….I'm frickin' stuck sitting here because there aren't any more flights to MD.  Wi-Fi isn't even free here in the airport. I’m speechless at this discovery. Actually I do think I said something to the fact of “You have got to be shitting me.”  So, I was not totally speechless.

Monday, June 06, 2011

A Runner in Remission

It's been awhile since I've posted something, and it's pretty much par for the course.  Many things I want to do, many things I should be doing, and many things that are being done instead.  It's sad because I have had so many creative ideas, but yet haven't had the time or energy to get after it.  Work, kids, family, home stuff.  You know what I'm talking about.  I'm sure my wife is saying "welcome to my world" or something along that line.  I know dear.  :)  Many bits and pieces of ideas for more than one story has crossed my mind, only to find them left there.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

BRING IT ON DOWN TO LIQUORVILLE

Saturday Night Live was hosted by Justin Timberlake tonight, and it did not disappoint. 

Friday, May 20, 2011

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Things Women Do To Get Ready to Go Out

Here we have a hotel room with a few girls getting ready for a night out.  Two of them were obviously ready for the picture.  One of them walked into the picture.  And then of course there is the girl in the back of the picture with her dress hiked up and cooling her junk off over the air conditioner.  Bravo madam.  Nice job thinking outside of the box.  Or something like that.

putting the AC to good use

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Peanut Butter Into Diamonds

Did you know you could turn peanut butter into diamonds? My 8 year old son tells me this on the way home today. I figure he is being silly or full of misinformation. It turns out it was a little of both, but not entirely false.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

It is time.

Hello.  My name is Mookie.  Welcome to my blog: Breathtaking and Inappropriate.  If you know my real name, lucky you.  For all intents and purposes related to this here blog, my name is MOOKIE.

I have been writing general nonsense for my own amusment and the entertainment of a close circle of friends for years.  It usually consisted of short and mildly profane stories, and a general newsletter with Top Ten lists I made up.  Technically, I guess you could say I had a "blog" before there were even blogs.  I have been wanting to do this for some time, but have not been real keen on sharing my attempts at writing.  Finally, I decided it was time.

This blog "experiment" will probably have posts that are links to stories I write, general perceptions of what is going on in the world, and of course my opinion of what songs rock.  It should be entertaining; to me anyway.  I hope you find it amusing yourself.  Please feel free to pass the site address on to your friends if/when you see something worth sharing.  Oh, and before I forget...Yes you had to acknowledge you were of mature age to see my site.  I figured it was better to be safe than sorry.  While there probably won't be porn, there definitely will be opportunity for crass language and materials. 
Here we go....